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Pastimes : Don't Ask Rambi -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Jacques Chitte who wrote (13986)	10/27/1998 9:44:00 PM
From: Rambi	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 71178

I always knew you were an artist at heart, Alex. I hope you're collecting these menus for Helen's future dinner parties. Halloween was one of our favorites- Meatballs with olives stuck on them can look like eyeballs floating in blood. You can freeze disgusting plastic objects in ice cubes or even float them in jello. I have whole books of this stuff. But now to a more serious topic. Today I took my first dose of a magic elixir that is going to turn me into a young Racquel Welch. Guaranteed. Really. Get your pencil ready. You too can be cured of backpain, arthritis, allergies, cramps, acne, warts, depression and cancer! It's simple, it's natural, it's mentally not very challenging-you just take 2 TBLs every day on an empty stomach-except I forgot and ate French toast first this morning so maybe today isn't really my first day, so tomorrow will have to be- and it's expensive so it must work. Are you ready? TAHITIAN NONI JUICE. Write that down right now! My best friend called me and said, "OK, look. I know you're not going to believe this but hear me out. You know how Chuck has had disc problems with his back and thought he needed surgery again? Well, when we were in Seoul a few weeks ago, we met the CEO of a company and he convinced Chuck to try his product and Chuck's pain is all gone! It's incredible!" "Well, that's really great, Jan," I tried to sound as if I believed her. "I know. I know. I was skeptical too. But really, he's off all pain medication and he feels great. I've started taking it and I'm sleeping better, I swear. You should read the testimonials!" Well-to make a long story short, I ordered a case of Tahitian Noni Juice.I had to; Jan is my dearest friend and Chuck is now a convert and a distributor. The case arrived Fed Ex yesterday, four big jars of a thick cloudy brown substance, costing 120.00, and labelled Tahitian Noni Juice,which grows in--yes-Tahiti and is not to be confused with Hawaiian Noni Juice or any other Noni Juice for that matter, especially the powdered kind-(I spit in disdain at the powdered kind) On the label is this muscular Tahitian guy eating a stegosaurus-no wait--he's blowing on a conch shell. He has green dreadlocks-oh-no--that's a seaweed wreath around his head. (I wonder if I should talk to Chuck about the art work on these labels.) Anyway he is obviously a product of Noni Juice, which the label claims keeps the natives alive for 2000 years! Wow!~Oh-wait-I read that wrong--they've been drinking it for 2000 years. I couldn't wait to get started taking my liquid dietary supplement harvested by native hands on the lush and unspoiled islands of French Polynesia. With shaking hands, I filled a tablespoon, closed my eyes and opened my mouth to the life-saving fluid. No more acne! No more cancer! No more senility! I gagged and spit the nectar of the gods into the sink. Jeez, this stuff HAD to be good for you. Never have I tasted anything so awful. It makes durian taste like maple syrup-I kid you not. I had to wonder if the simple natives weren't counting their gold and yukking it up as the stupid American yahoos sailed away with a ton of worthless smelly fruit that they would have dumped far out to sea after the harvest anyway where it was probably killing all marine life for miles around. But three weeks, friends. Chuck says give it three weeks--and it's a money back guarantee. If my warts and acne aren't cured, my cancer eradicated, my arthritis healed-- wait- I don't have acne-I'm 50 years old, for heaven's sake. I don't have cancer. I don't even have arthritis. Well- there IS the senility. Which Dan says I've exhibited in spades spending 120.00 on Tahitian Noni Juice. Yeah-well-we'll just see who's left standing in 2000 years.