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Technology Stocks : Amazon.com, Inc. (AMZN) -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Jan Crawley who wrote (23832)	10/30/1998 12:57:00 AM
From: Dr. Jeff	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 164684

<< Seattle, Oct. 28 (Bloomberg) -- Amazon.com Inc. excluded the media and the public from its earnings conference call, held today after the company released its third-quarter results following the close of U.S. trading. >> What the hell do they talk about? Here's a FAKE excerpt I wrote for laughs: Bezos: Hey guys, I'm so proud of the excellent hype job you've all done on those unsuspecting fools that feel the need to own this bloated piece of shit company that I'm really working hard at running into the ground. The more we expand, the more we lose. ANALyst 1: You bet Jeff, Just keep up that inside info about the timing of those sly SEC filings and the further downward revisions we'll need to do. Bezos: No problem, and now that you mention it, we've actually lost a lot more than .90 a share. I had to buy 250,000 books and 50,000 CD's to boost the revenues, but hey guys, I had to use some of my own money. So listen, when do you think you can arrange for me to unload another 500,000 shares? I'm buying some property in Hong Kong and want to buy some shares of my buddy Michael Dell's company. He said Asia is really picking up now. So, we're also going to need to float another 5 or 6 million shares so AMZN can get into selling books and CD's there too. I hear those Asian's love to read. And we all know how much they love the Spice Girls & Michael Jackson. ANALyst 2: Well Jeff, we're glad to know you were buying your own books & CD's too. We were doing the same as well with some of our profits made by squeezing those shorts with the help of our other Jeff, who I'd also like to thank for his expertise and excellent job of ramping the hell out of all our internet stocks as they came close to the brink of collapse. VINIK: Oh, no problem, I learned my manipulation skills from Peter Lynch. He used to be very good, but went a little nuts when he developed a conscience about stealing people's money. Now that he's making commercials, he is obviously back into the game. Those new Anti-psychotic medications the drug companies have made are really good I guess. The reminds me, I'm going to need one of you guys to upgrade PFE soon, I'm getting a lot of big players selling short against my buys, so I need to get a squeeze going there soon, as it's getting heavy. ANALyst 3 (BT ALEX BROWN): Oh, no problem, I just upgraded AMZN today and it was up 9 1/2. I think I'll do one on PFE Monday after letting it look weak tomorrow. We should have some new guys short it tomorrow and then Monday we'll pull the trigger. We'll get the company to get some more bad press on Viagra for the weekend, as that always seems to help pump the stock up. Be sure you unload your shares after we get the gap up in motion. You know the drill........... BEZOS: Hey Jeff, I'd also like to thank you for helping me become a billionaire. But Listen buddy, how far up do you think you can push this thing? It's getting a little crazy now! Many of my minimun wage employees are talking about buying the stock, and I don't want my own people to buy this thing knowing what you guys are going to do. Fortunately, most of my executives are excercising their options and getting out on these insane rallies you've worked out. VINIK: Well, people ARE starting to catch on Jeff, most of the shorts have been squeezed now, and you guys better not let anyone else short any shares because we can't keep squeezing with the SEC breathing down my neck. Thank God I'm also trading PFE, MU, EBAY, YHOO, AOL and INTC too or they'd think I was just manipulating AMZN. They've also got me holding down MSFT until the government does their announcement that Gates and Co. did nothing wrong. I'm still waiting to pull the trigger on that one. Also, people are all getting very bullish on the prospects of these stocks as they all are starting to think they're bulletproof after going up on lousy earnings. Especially your company Bez. Nice job! I've never seen worse fundamentals. But listen guys, this presents an opportunity for us to short shares that all those eager lemmings want to own. Once we have shorted 20 to 30 million shares, I'll dump my inventory of 15 million shares over a period of 2 weeks. A couple of you guys will have to downgrade to really push it down. I don't want to cover until it hits 15 to 20. We should be able to achieve that target around Christmas because the lemmings will have such massive losses they'll have to sell for tax purposes. ANALyst 1: I started building short positions with today's rally and will do the downgrade when you two Jeff's say. ANALyst 2: Ditto..... ANALyst 3: I'd like to get us to a double top, before doing a downgrade to make all those TA people think TA is actually real. HA HA, but I'm with you guys on the plan. Too bad you guys didn't do a split, that would have made it easier. BEZOS: We can't do another split when we're probably going to go belly up in the next 2 years. Enough is enough. I don't want to go to Jail.....And I know you guys don't want to go back to the joint. OK, enough talk for today, I'll talk to you guys very soon. Funny how the public thinks these conference calls are special. Little do they know we talk almost every day. Thanks guys. Bye bye...................