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Pastimes : Jokes -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Barney who wrote (854)	11/5/1998 2:11:00 PM
From: treetopflier	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 2733

Another politically incorrect joke A woman walks into a supermarket and buys : 1 bar of soap 1 toothbrush 1 tube toothpaste 1 loaf of bread 1 pint of milk 1 single serving cereal 1 single serving frozen dinner The guy at the checkout looks at her and says "Single are you?" The woman replies very sarcastically "How did you guess?" He replies "because you're <expletive deleted> ugly"

To: Barney who wrote (854)	11/6/1998 1:38:00 PM
From: treetopflier	Respond to of 2733

HOW APPLICANTS SPEAK (and what they mean) "I KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH STRESSFUL SITUATIONS:" I'm usually on Prozac. When I'm not, I take lots of coffee breaks. "I SEEK A JOB THAT WILL DRAW UPON MY STRONG COMMUNICATION & ORGANIZATIONAL SKILLS:" I talk too much and like to tell other people what to do. "I'M EXTREMELY ADEPT AT ALL MANNER OF OFFICE ORGANIZATION:" I've used Microsoft Office. "I'M HONEST, HARDWORKING AND DEPENDABLE:" I pilfer office supplies. "MY PERTINENT WORK EXPERIENCE INCLUDES:" I hope you don't ask me about all the McJobs I've had. "I TAKE PRIDE IN MY WORK:" I blame others for my mistakes. "I'M PERSONABLE:" I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to co-workers. "I'M WILLING TO RELOCATE:" As I leave San Quentin, anywhere is better. "I'M EXTREMELY PROFESSIONAL:" I carry a Franklin Planner. "MY BACKGROUND AND SKILLS MATCH YOUR REQUIREMENTS:" You're probably looking for someone more experienced. "I AM ADAPTABLE:" I've changed jobs a lot. "I'M HIGHLY MOTIVATED TO SUCCEED:" The minute I find a better job. I'm outta there. "I HAVE FORMAL TRAINING:" I'm a college dropout. "THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME AND CONSIDERATION:" Wait! Don't throw me away! "I LOOK FORWARD TO HEARING FROM YOU SOON:" Like, I'm gonna hold my breath waiting for your stupid form letter thanking me for my interest and wishing me luck in my future career.