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Pastimes : Let's Talk About Our Feelings!!! -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Grainne who wrote (25837)	11/5/1998 10:53:00 PM
From: Dayuhan	Respond to of 108807

Christine, Death used to be a normal part of life, and everyone probably learned by example how you should act. But in America almost everyone lives so long that it is a rare occurrence. I've noticed that people in this 3rd world setting seem to deal with death and aging better. I suspect it's because of the closeness of extended families. Children here tend to grow up in close contact with grandparents and great-grandparents, and events like birth and death often occur in the home, not walled off in distant, sterile, places. My son, who was not quite 6 at the time, was watching as I managed the delivery of his younger sister (which, thankfully, was about as simple as they get). I wonder what that did to his perception of life. Long story. My most distinct memory of a rather garbled moment was of dealing with placenta: I knew about it in theory, but was astounded at how much of it there is. Which some will find a bit gross. Steve

To: Grainne who wrote (25837)	11/6/1998 7:01:00 AM
From: Sam Ferguson	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 108807

"I really respect Sam because he somehow has dealt with the sense of shock and betrayal that comes with a serious illness and kept on functioning. I think that is really remarkable. I wonder if courageous, honorable, dignified behavior at the end of life is something that is learned, or comes from the depth of character?" None of the above with me. I was just the same old me and with my love of life and family I wasn't ready to give it up. I also eat unwisely at times but would rather get a new body than lead a miserable life. I'm just an odd ball I guess. I have refused medical treatments and operations deemed by doctors as a necessity. So far haven't found that mountain my little train cannot climb.

To: Grainne who wrote (25837)	11/6/1998 4:34:00 PM
From: Jacques Chitte	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 108807

>I wonder if courageous, honorable, dignified behavior at the end of life is something that is learned, or comes from the depth of character? < Some of each i'm sure. I don't think any of us except the suicidal or the really ill come to terms with the big Lights Out. Facing death requires courage - something some people have more of than others. As for how one "should act", I worry that the steady shift of mores which has attended the rapidly-aging Me Generation will lead to some real excesses of behavior by folks in that part of the hospital. y'know, tantrums, general carrying-on, suing doctors etc. Why? "Because I'm worth it! This is MY death we're talking about here!" Solipsism. We've raised egomania to an art form, and it will come to a head when some of our bigger egos are faced with their own impending demise - and are just a little bit rude about it. I don't see a lot of perspective being taught in the USA concerning mortality. It is the Enemy pure and plain. There's good in that, and evil. Good in that we have some real nice medicines, safer cars, and food disclosure laws. Evil in that choosing a peaceful death vs. a drawn-out agony on $millions of life support is a crime. Evil that obsession with safety becomes a special brand of puritanism - a repudiation of the fun and humor that goes hand in hand with the precariousness of our existence. The way I understood the radio quote is that outward dignity is not an option during a terminal illness. You wear these ugly paper aprons instead of clothes. You have tubes hanging in&out of your body. You have no bowel control - and it might be hours before you get cleaned up. If you always flossed and wore ironed shirts - the degradation is complete. The challenge comes in maintaining dignity of spirit even as the body smells like poorly refrigerated leftovers. It's a tough call, but it can be done. Obviously there is little benefit to the dying person - it's a pretty thankless task for all the effort. But I can't help but think that the comfort and inspiration to family, wardmates and the staff is a priceless dividend. Gosh, I hope I won't be all selfish if I'm terminal. I will end, but the world goes on. And I do not hate the world enough to be completely apathetic what sort of mark I leave.