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Pastimes : The Big Tex House of Coin -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Jeff who wrote (602)	11/17/1998 10:27:00 AM
From: BigTex	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 19297

CHECK OUT BCMDE,UP 175% THIS MORNING.

To: Jeff who wrote (602)	11/17/1998 11:07:00 AM
From: Robert B.	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 19297

TSIG is treating me pretty well. Thanks.

To: Jeff who wrote (602)	11/17/1998 1:19:00 PM
From: Robert B.	Respond to of 19297

Here's a wittle (<-FUDD) sumpin (<-JIVE) for y'all (<-REDNECK) to read if you're bored... IF MEN REALLY RULED THE WORLD · Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically forward your call to her real number. · Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable response to "I love you." · Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards. · When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out. · Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack to the ass and a "Nice hustle, you'll get 'em next time" would pretty much do it. · Birth control would come in ale or lager. · You'd be expected to fill your resume with gag names of people you'd worked for, like "Heywood 'Blowme." · Each year, your raise would be pegged to the fortunes of the NFL team of your choice. · The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO. · "Sorry I'm late, but I got really wasted last night" would be an acceptable excuse for tardiness. · At the end of the workday, a whistle would blow and you'd jump out your window and slide down the tail of a brontosaurus and right into your car. · It'd be considered harmless fun to gather 30 friends, put on horned helmets, and go pillage a nearby town. · Lifeguards could remove citizens from beaches for violating the "public ugliness" ordinance. · Tanks would be far easier to rent. · Garbage would take itself out. · Instead of beer belly, you'd get "beer biceps." · Instead of an expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said, "You're #1!" · Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in leap years. · On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you'd get the day off to go drinking. Mother's Day, too. · St. Patrick's Day, however, would remain exactly the same. · But it would be celebrated every month. · The show "Cops" would be broadcast live, and you could phone in advice to the pursuing cops. Or to the crooks. · Two words: Ally McNaked. · Regis and Kathie Lee would be chained to a cement mixer and pushed off the Golden Gate Bridge for the most lucrative pay-per-view event in world history. · The victors in any athletic competition would get to kill and eat the losers. · The only show opposite Monday Night Football would be Monday Night Football from a Different Camera Angle. · It would be perfectly legal to steal a sports car,as long as you returned it the following day with a full tank of gas. · Every man would get four real Get Out of Jail Free cards per year. · When a cop gave you a ticket, every smart-aleck answer you responded with would actually reduce your fine. As in: Cop: "You know how fast you were going?" You: "All I know is, I was spilling my beer all over the place." Cop: "Nice one. That's $10 off." · Faucets would run "Hot," "Cold," and "100 proof." · The Statue of Liberty would get a bright red, 40-foot thong. · People would never talk about how fresh they felt. · Daisy Duke shorts would never again go out of style.