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Pastimes : Let's Talk About Our Feelings!!! -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Grainne who wrote (25987)	11/18/1998 6:48:00 AM
From: Rambi	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 108807

Your words about the sixties made me think how different things are now. I'm not very up on current drug music and poetry, but what little I hear certainly doesn't seem to have the magical and innocent quality of those early years when Alice in Wonderland, Magical Mystery Tours, and Yellow Submarines dominated the imagery. But of course I'm looking at it from the other side of life now, and like all things, different seats give the viewer a very different view of the show. Today's music never strikes me as very transcendental. Maybe I just thought ours was. My parents sure didn't. Rumi lived in the 13th century and was a Persian mystic. He was a whirling dervish and wrote his poetry in a "state of ecstasy". I like best his little rubaiyats. Like: I have lived on the lip of insanity, wanting to know reasons, knocking on a door. it opens. I've been knocking from the inside! Which makes me think about parenting teenagers. I've wanted to share all the great truths I've learned over the past few years but hesitate, parenting being so much like religion--an individual path. We seem to be coming out of those nasty times with CW. I had been warned that teens disappear into their rooms with the phone attached to their ears and an opinion of you that places you on a level with the worm in a tequila bottle. It was true. We couldn't say or do anything right. We fought a lot, what little we were together. It was a huge strain on everyone. But suddenly, miraculously, the original wonderful CW is back and all the good things that were lost in this nasty miasma of adolescent egocentricity and selfishness and hormones are in evidence again. It doesn't seem fair, because now he leaves. All that work and we don't get to enjoy the fruits of our labor? The teen years are a strain on a marriage, on all family relationships. Decide on a few very important basic rules and values, let the rest slide, and keep a sense of humor. My first reaction to that author who said parenting didn't make much difference in the results was "What BS!" Then I thought maybe he meant that parents need to realize that they can't change a child, mold him into what they want out of life. Sometimes we have to face that maybe our child isn't the best, the brightest, the most gifted, and doesn't have to be. We know a father who refuses to accept that his son isn't Ivy League material. He did the kid's homework with him into high school. He's made him take the Princeton Review twice trying to get his SATs to an "acceptable" level. The boy wants to go to UT--the father wants him in Boston and says he'll buy a building if he has to. Excuse me?? I like your goal of having a happy, compassionate caring person when you're done. And I bet you will. Oh---and I don't know a single teen who does ANY chore around the house willingly until they are threatened with grounding or have the car taken away. And I hate to tell you, but Dan and I have already been named Strictest and Most Unreasonable Parents of All Time.