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To: Robert Ague who wrote (1014)	11/17/1998 5:25:00 PM
From: ztect	Respond to of 1754

Rob: Funny that you mentioned Jerry Springer. Another comic reprieve. THE TOP 10 SIGNS FOOTBALL SEASON IS STARTING 10. The "Jerry Springer" show is no longer the only place to watch large asses crammed into tight shiny pants. 9. Ross Perot warns Americans about a "giant sucking sound" coming from the Louisiana Superdome. 8. Groundhog emerges, sees shadow, gets drunk, and sexually assaults a passing gopher. 7. Mike Ditka's blood pressure can now be measured from Hubble Telescope using a simple infrared filter. 6. Al Michaels is seen beating his head against a tree stump to prepare for yet another mind-numbing season in the broadcast booth with Dan Dierdorf. 5. Foreplay now involves dressing provocatively as Arrowhead Stadium. 4. National supply of "C" batteries depleted as "football widows" stock up for the season. 3. Ass-pattings up an astonishing 119%. 2. John Madden throws out the ceremonial first wildly cartoonish hyperbole and gesticulation. 1. It's okay to say the word "Packer" again within a group of guys. [copyright 1998 by Chris White] [The Top 5 List top5@gmbweb.com topfive.com ]

To: Robert Ague who wrote (1014)	11/17/1998 5:31:00 PM
From: ztect	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 1754

More needed humor.... The Top 13 Topics for The Top 5 List in the Year 2098 13.Top 5 Reasons Dick Clark's Hair Is Still Brown 12.Top 5 Signs Adam Sandler is Too Old to be Re-elected President 11.Top 5 Signs Your Galactiball Team Won't Beat the Ganymede Cosmobots This Astroyear 10.Top 5 Strom Thurmond Campaign Slogans 9. Top 5 Revived Walt Disney Pet Peeves 8. Top 5 Surprises on The Rolling Stones New Tour 7. Top 5 Signs You, Too, Might Be a Distant Relative of William Jefferson Clinton 6. Top 5 Ways To Tell Your Parents You're Straight 5. Top 5 Benefits of the USA/Microsoft Merger 4. Top 5 Reasons to Pull the Life Support on the 110-Year-Old Olson Twins 3. Top 5 Signs You Went Outside Without Your 250 SPF Sunblock 2. Top 5 Things You Don't Want to Find in Your Dinner Pill and the Number 1 Top 5 List Topic in the Year 2098... 1. Top 5 Signs Your Roommate's Sexdroid is in the Shop