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Pastimes : Jokes -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Gordon Quickstad who wrote (929)	11/22/1998 12:17:00 PM
From: Barney	Respond to of 2733

I guess some things will never change. I hired a temp while my secretary was on maternity leave. Trying to arrive at an agreeable wage, I asked what she expected to earn. She said, "Well... the minimum I could work for is four hundred a week." I told her I'd give her that much with pleasure. She shook her head and replied, "With pleasure, it'll be $600 a week." ---------===========================================--------- __ __ ___ __ / // /_ ____ _ ___ ____ / _ )_______ ___ _/ /__ / _ / // / ' \/ _ \/ __/ / _ / __/ -_) _ '/ '_/ /_//_/\_,_/_/_/_/\___/_/ /____/_/ \__/\_,_/_/\_\

To: Gordon Quickstad who wrote (929)	11/22/1998 12:19:00 PM
From: Barney	Respond to of 2733

A little old lady went to the grocery store to buy cat food. She picked up three cans and took them to the checkout counter. The girl at the cash register said, "I'm sorry, but we cannot sell you cat food without proof that you have a cat. A lot of older people buy cat food to eat, and the management wants proof that you are actually buying the cat food for your cat." So the lady goes home, gets her cat and comes back to the store where she is allowed to purchase the cat food. The next day she tried to buy three cans of dog food, but ran into the same problem. She had to show the dog before they would sell her the dog food. So she went home got her dog, brought it back to the store and was sold the dog food. The next day the lady brought in a box with a hole in it. She asked the girl at the counter to stick her finger into the hole. "No, you might have a snake in there." The little old lady assured her there was nothing in the box that would harm her. So the cashier put her finger into the box and pulled it out and said to the lady, "That smells like crap!" "It is, smiled the little old lady, now can I have three rolls of toilet paper?" ---------===========================================--------- __ __ ___ __ / // /_ ____ _ ___ ____ / _ )_______ ___ _/ /__ / _ / // / ' \/ _ \/ __/ / _ / __/ -_) _ '/ '_/ /_//_/\_,_/_/_/_/\___/_/ /____/_/ \__/\_,_/_/\_\

To: Gordon Quickstad who wrote (929)	11/22/1998 12:20:00 PM
From: Barney	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 2733

Officer vs. NCO observations (for a chuckle) The Company Commander and the 1st Sgt, were in the field. As they hit the sack for the night, the 1SG said: "Sir, look up into the sky and tell me what you see?" The CO said "I see millions of stars." 1st Sgt.: "And what does that tell you, sir?" CO: Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Theologically, it tells me that God is great and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it tells me that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you, Top?" 1st Sgt.: "Well sir, it tells me that somebody stole our tent." ---------===========================================--------- __ __ ___ __ / // /_ ____ _ ___ ____ / _ )_______ ___ _/ /__ / _ / // / ' \/ _ \/ __/ / _ / __/ -_) _ '/ '_/ /_//_/\_,_/_/_/_/\___/_/ /____/_/ \__/\_,_/_/\_\