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Pastimes : Jokes -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Gordon Quickstad who wrote (937)	11/24/1998 9:59:00 AM
From: Gordon Quickstad	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 2733

One day, a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in despair, he has his first meeting with a demon. Demon: Why so glum, chum? Guy: What do you think? I'm in hell. Demon: Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinkin' man? Guy: Sure, I love to drink. Demon: Well, you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, that's all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, guinness, wine coolers, diet Cokes.... we drink till we throw up and then we drink some more. Guy: Gee, that sounds great. Demon: You a smoker? Guy: You better believe it. Demon: All right! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from around the world and smoke our friggin' lungs out. If you get cancer, it's okay... you're already dead. Guy: Golly! Demon: I bet you like to gamble. Guy: Yes, as a matter of fact I do. Demon: Good, because Wednesday is gambling day. Craps, blackjack, horse races, you name it. We even opened up a pai gow poker table. Guy: Gosh, I never played pai gow before.... Demon: Well now you can. You like to do drugs? Guy: Yes, I love to do drugs. You don't mean... Demon: That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want, and if you overdose, it's okay... you're already dead. Guy: Neat! I never realized that hell was such a swingin' place! Demon: You gay? Guy: Uh, no. Demon: Oooh...you're gonna hate Fridays.....

To: Gordon Quickstad who wrote (937)	11/24/1998 2:33:00 PM
From: treetopflier	Respond to of 2733

Rating the new flicks TITANIC VIDEO: $9.99 on Internet. CLINTON VIDEO: $9.99 on Internet. TITANIC VIDEO: Over 3 hours long. CLINTON VIDEO: Over 3 hours long. TITANIC VIDEO: The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, a subsequent catastrophe. CLINTON VIDEO: The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love, a subsequent catastrophe. TITANIC VIDEO: Villain: White Star Line. CLINTON VIDEO: Villain: Ken Starr. TITANIC VIDEO: Jack is a starving artist. CLINTON VIDEO: Bill is a B.S. artist. TITANIC VIDEO: In one part, Jack enjoys a good cigar. CLINTON VIDEO: Ditto for Bill. TITANIC VIDEO: During ordeal, Rose's dress gets ruined. CLINTON VIDEO: Ditto for Monica. TITANIC VIDEO: Jack teaches Rose to spit. CLINTON VIDEO: Let's not go there. TITANIC VIDEO: Rose gets to keep her jewelry. CLINTON VIDEO: Monica's forced to return her gifts. TITANIC VIDEO: Behind the scenes: Leonardo DiCaprio is wildly popular. CLINTON VIDEO: Behind the scenes: Bill Clinton's approval rating is at 70 percent. TITANIC VIDEO: Jack surrenders to an icy death. CLINTON VIDEO: Bill goes home to Hillary.