Back in the BBS days, many off-line mail readers gave you the opportunity
to add a bit of digital wit to the end
of your communications. The following were collected over the years.
On a clear disk, you can seek forever.
Back up my hard drive? I can't find the reverse switch.
..eunitnoC oT yeK ynA sserP </:A SI YROTCERID TNERRUC
Behind every successful man is a surprised mother-in-law.
All *.BAT files are found in C:\BELFRY
Sex on the microwave - done in 30 seconds.
I've used all my sick days. I'm calling in DEAD!
It's hard to believe.... I once thought 40 was OLD.
There's nothing to scratch but the surface.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Yer motherboard wears combat reboots.
You can't win, you can't break even, you can't even quit.
That tagline is true----> <----That tagline is false
Please don't type so loud, I have a headache.
This is your brain on BBS's... Any questions?
...Collect call from Earth. Will you accept?
I think, therefore I am, I think......
Bigamy: Too many wives. Monogamy: Same thing.
Removal of this tagline is a violation of Federal Law.
FATAL DISK ERROR: R)etry, F)ail, K)ill this machine
Format C: Kills software bugs dead.
Nothing is so simple that it can't be screwed up.
Please extinguish all smoking materials before landing.
Find out what the kids are doing and tell them to stop.
If not for the last minute, nothing would get done.
OXYMORONS: Free checking account.... marijuana initiative....
Most well trodden paths lead to nowhere.
Hindsight is an exact science.
You don't have to know anything to have an opinion.
Kitty heaven is Mousie hell.
I'm pushing 50; that's exercise enough.
Sorry, I only date within my species.
Learn to waste time conscientiously.
Honesty is the best image. - Ziggy
Too much of a good thing is wonderful - Mae West
There is nothing in the world stronger than gentleness.
Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes.
No I know why some animals eat their young.
Nancy Regan - the first artificial heart donor.
Honk if you're smarter than Dan Quayle.
The world is a banquet... and many of us are starving.
Nymphomania? Yes, well, I can only provide temporary relief.
I'm a self-made man.. Who else would help?
Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.
God love me; Everyone else thinks I'm an ass.
Practice safe eating: use condiments.
Lead, follow, or get out of the way!
Random stomping seldom catches bugs.
My uncle is so big, it takes three looks to see all of him.
All great truths begin as blasphemies.
Hell for company, heaven for climate. - G.B. Shaw
Don't mess with people who look both fierce and stupid.
Never eat more than you can lift - Miss Piggy
You in the cheap seats, clap. The rest of you may rattle your jewelry.
Children have more need of models than criticism.
Find out what's not working and don't do it anymore.
Ten years since I went out of my mind; I won't go back.
Wherever ya go, there ya are - Buckaroo Bonsai
We don't care. We don't have to. We're the Phone Company.
This tagline fills a much-needed gap.
If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.
I can't take a well-tanned person seriously.
Thou can'st not serve both cod and salmon.
Many are cold, but few are frozen.
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
I love Nancy Regan! She's so life-like.
If I called the wrong number, how come you answered???
Shortages will be divided equally among the peasants.
An unbreakable toy is good for breaking other toys.
If you must smoke, please don't exhale.
My hometown was so tough, even the canaries sing bass.
I can chase women, but I'm not allowed to catch em.
COLDBEER.CAN not found. Operator not loaded.
C:\DOS;C:\DOS\RUN;C:\DOS\RUN\WINDOWS;C:\DOS\CRASH
I'll have a brain over medium with hashbrowns and toast.
<-------- The information went data way -------->
2 rules to success in life: 1. Don't tell people everything you know.
A hangover: the wrath of grapes.
A belly button is for salt when you eat celery in bed.
A)bort, R)etry, I)gnore, V)alium?
A)bort R)etry I)nfluence with large hammer.
Ability is a good thing but stability is even better.
After silence, music comes closest to expressing the inexpressible.
After all is said and done, usually a lot more is said.
All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
Anything not nailed down is mine. Anything I can pry up is not nailed down.
Apathy Error: Don't bother striking any key.
Are dog biscuits made from collie flour?
Backup not found: A)bort, R)etry, M)assive heart failure?
Backups? We don't *NEED* baX%^~,VioKx?i NO CARRIER
Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner!
Been there, done that: got the T-shirt.
Best diet: Eat as much as you want, just don't swallow it.
Blessed are the censors, for they shall inhibit the earth.
Boy: A noise with dirt on it.
Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men.
Budget: A method for going broke methodically.
Bureaucrat, n.: A person who cuts red tape sideways.
California raisins murdered! Cereal killer suspected.
Close your eyes and press escape three times.
Cole's Law: "Thinly sliced cabbage."
Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels good.
Despite the high cost of living, it remains very popular.
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
Don't you hate it when life doesn't follow the manuals?
Dynamic linking error: Your mistake is now everywhere.
Eleven tons of hair stolen: Police combing area.
God is REAL, unless explicitly declared INTEGER.
Horse sense is what a horse has that keeps it from betting on people.
I know I have a purpose because I always seem to need deodorant.
I hate laundry month.
I disclaim my disclaimer!
I do a lot of thinking in the john. Says a lot for my thoughts.
If laws were outlawed, only outlaws would be lawyers. . .
Illegitimus non Carborundem -- "Don't let them grind you down".
It's always darkest just before it goes pitch black.
Most of us hate to see a poor loser. Rich winners, though, are worse.
Mr. Bullfrog sez: Time's fun when you're having flies.
Multitasking allows screwing up several things at once.
Music is the only sensual pleasure without vice.
My mail reader can beat up your mail reader.
My opinions are not those of my ex-employer.
My Go! This amn keyboar oesn't have any 's!
My computer NEVER crassssssssssssssssssss
My last cow just died: I won't need your bull anymore.
Never forget: 2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2.
Never hit a man with glasses. Use your fist.
Never call a man a fool. Instead, borrow from him.
Never deprive someone of hope; it may be all they have.
Never put off till tomorrow what you can ignore entirely.
Never eat prunes when you're famished.
Next time you wave at me, use more than one finger, please.
Nobody can be just like me. Even I have trouble.
The glass is half full--and what's in it has gone rancid.
These are only my opinions. You should see my convictions...
To define recursion, we must first define recursion.
What if there were no hypothetical situations?
ZAP! Process discontinued. Enter any 12-digit prime number to resume.
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