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Pastimes : Let's Talk About Our Feelings!!! -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Ilaine who wrote (26452)	12/3/1998 11:11:00 PM
From: Grainne	Respond to of 108807

<Why do Irishmen WANT to act the idiot?> I am not sure why. I do know that "acting the idiot" is an Irish phrase, however. You know, men who grew up in Ireland and are full adults now often went to severely strict Catholic schools, where many of them were beaten, molested, etc. It was typical for the brothers/teachers to slap hands with a ruler for badly done homework, or not answering a question correctly. There is also a high level of physical punishment in old-fashioned Irish homes, particularly in the recent past. So all the normal playfulness that healthy people have is kind of squished down inside, as the spirit is bent, if not broken. Once in awhile that kind of pops up, but in a way that is not absolutely appropriate because of all the damage. <Why do Irishmen WANT to hug all the men in the bar?> People need quite a bit of physical affection in order to be healthy and happy. This is lacking in many Irish homes, but remains a strong human need. The men aren't very good at hugging the women, either. So something happens when they have been drinking and their inhibitions are down, and they revert to being really cute cuddlers of each other. There is some male bonding going on, I suspect, and probably a few of them are carefully closeted homosexuals. However, I have trouble imagining the homosexuals really hanging out in the bars, which are very boisterous male bastions. <If an Irishman is closeted gay, is there any way to tell?> This is complicated. As I said before, Irishmen tend to be kind of shy about physical displays of affection, probably because they have been brainwashed that sexual expression is "dirty" by their Catholic teachings. Also, since it is perfectly acceptable in Irish society to be in your thirties or forties and still looking for a wife, lots of older men are virgins or may have only had a couple of hurried, unsatisfying sexual encounters. There is also the belief that sex should happen after marriage, or at least after falling completely in love. The way I would try to tell the difference between an interested but shy man who lacks confidence and experience, and a closeted gay, is whether the man responds positively to light signs of affection you give, like hand holding and hugging. Does he lean into these nonthreatening contacts, perhaps even becoming aroused? If the body language is cold and leaning away, either he might be gay, or have so much repressed stuff going on inside that getting it out into the open might not be worth the time and trouble, because he may be severely damaged. It is particularly difficult when a man was beaten by his mother, and/or abandoned by her. <Are Irishmen more likely to use ad hominem arguments?> That depends on the Irishman!