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Pastimes : Let's Talk About Our Feelings!!! -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Dayuhan who wrote (26460)	12/3/1998 8:22:00 PM
From: Bill Ulrich	Respond to of 108807

&#133as Mrs. Pavlov complained, "He talks to his dogs more than he does to me!" >>&#147&#133as I've grown older, particularly when it comes to discussing feelings intimately with women. It always seems a bit like dealing with those cops on TV: anything you say can and will be used against you. Forever. My experience is that when women say they want to know what you really feel, they have very specific things that they expect to hear, and react badly to anything else. Which usually leaves the alternative of lying or keeping your mouth shut.&#148

To: Dayuhan who wrote (26460)	12/5/1998 1:14:00 AM
From: Rambi	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 108807

Well, you just keep trying to change that subject, Steven! I just spent a wonderful evening with my best friend. Both of our husbands are traveling and we spent five hours discussing the meaning of life and drinking...No -reverse those---we drank and THEN we resolved the meaning of life. Which pretty much came down to--"can you drive home?" It was not the meaning of life that was important; it was the hug at the end and the I love you's and the gosh, I feel the same way's that mattered. yeah---I'm making a lot of sense, aren't I!!!!!!

To: Dayuhan who wrote (26460)	12/9/1998 9:57:00 PM
From: Grainne	Respond to of 108807

<My experience is that when women say they want to know what you really feel, they have very specific things that they expect to hear, and react badly to anything else.> Wow, I'm not sure what to say here. I guess it depends on the two people in any relationship. Some women say they want to hear more about feelings, but then become frightened when their men actually spill their guts, because on a deep level men are supposed to be the "strong" ones. And you are right about one thing--women want to hear honesty, but honesty that flatters them and reinforces the feelings of love and affection. Most women don't want to hear the brutal truth if the guy is just tolerating them, doesn't find them attractive, and sometimes muses about moving on. Of course, women also know that if any of this is true, it is better to know it than to be left in the dark, but still no one really enjoys getting their feelings hurt. I also think that what some women really want more than to hear their men express feelings, is just for the men to REALLY LISTEN when the women express theirs. Men and women seem to inhabit such different inner worlds that this is intself is a big reach. Still, I have to say that I find men who can express their feelings, and also feel comfortable crying when they are really sad, very sexy because that openness reflects a sense of very secure masculinity, so secure that showing a more "feminine" side doesn't seem sissy. Of course, then again there are a few just plain blubberers, and that isn't appealing to me at all. Irish men are so inhibited about their feelings that I think the bar scene, and copious quantities of alcohol, are an emotional release. It is okay to talk about feelings if you are drunk, according to an Irish understanding of reality. So that tells me that the bottling up of feelings has progressed to an unhealthy excess in this culture.