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Pastimes : Jokes -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?


To: treetopflier who wrote (985)12/4/1998 5:59:00 PM
From: Edwarda  Respond to of 2733
 
In pretty bad taste, but hilarious all the same ...

ANOTHER EAST COAST AIR DISASTER
Newfoundland's worst air disaster occurred today when a small two-seat
Cessna 152 plane crashed into a cemetery early this afternoon in Central Newfoundland.

Newfoundland search & rescue workers have recovered 300 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the evening.



To: treetopflier who wrote (985)12/4/1998 6:21:00 PM
From: Edwarda  Respond to of 2733
 
This is perfectly awful, but a friend composed it and e-mailed it to me. So I'm inflicting it on you. It has a certain macabre charm.

AP WIRE November 24, 1998
Detroit, MI.
In light of his not getting prosecuted for murder, Dr. Jack Kevorkian has finally hung out his shingle in the state of Michigan.
A reporter for the Detroit Free Press received a prototype Metro-Bus Advertisement which reads:
“ - FEELING LIKE THERE'S NO HOPE?
BEING WHEELCHAIR BOUND GOT YOU DOWN?

NOW YOU CAN FINALLY GET THAT FEELING OF DREAD OUT OF YOUR HEAD !!!
CALL
1 (800) GET - DEAD “




To: treetopflier who wrote (985)12/4/1998 9:59:00 PM
From: Karin  Read Replies (2) | Respond to of 2733
 
Subject: DAFFYNITIONS

DAFFYNITIONS

1. ADULT: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now
growing in the middle.
2. BEAUTY PARLOR: A place where some women go to dye.
3. CANNIBAL: Someone who is fed up with people.
4. CHICKENS: The only animals you eat before they are born and after
they are dead.
5. COMMITTEE: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
6. DUST: Mud with the juice squeezed out.
7. EGOTIST: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.
8. GOSSIP: A person who will never tell a lie if the truth will do more
damage.
9. HANDKERCHIEF: Cold Storage.
10. INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.
11. MYTH: A female moth.
12. MOSQUITO: An insect that makes flies look good after all.
13. RAISIN: Celery with a sunburn.
14. SECRET: Something you tell to one person at a time.
15. TOOTHACHE: The pain that drives you to extraction.
16. TOMORROW: One of today's greatest labor saving devices.
17. YAWN: An honest opinion openly expressed.
18. WRINKLES: Something other people have. You have character lines.

Karin