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Politics : Bill Clinton Scandal - SANITY CHECK -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Johannes Pilch who wrote (19394)	12/14/1998 5:11:00 PM
From: Les H	Respond to of 67261

Communists Promise To Be More "Citizen Friendly" if Russians Restore Them to Power Amid the turmoil of the collapsing Russian economy, the old Communist party is trying to make a comeback. The day after President Clinton left Moscow, Communist leader Urie Chopemoff made an appeal to the Russian people on national television. He confidently claimed that the Communist party could stabilize Russia's faltering economy and restore Russia to its former greatness. Anticipating the fears and apprehensions of the Russian people at losing their freedoms, he ssured them that the new communist regime will be one that is more "citizen friendly". Said Chopemoff, "Of course everyone will have to turn over all of their private property and dissidents will be rounded up. But we promise to make sweeping reforms similar to the ones Americans made to their Internal Revenue Service. These reforms will make us more "citizen friendly", thereby making totalitarian rule much more bearable." Some of the reforms that Chopemoff outlined were: 1. Covered sidewalks with heaters so that standing in a bread line is more pleasant during the harsh Russian winters. 2. The KGB will give people a ten-second head start before chasing them down and shooting them. 3. The KGB will monitor everyone only six days a week rather then seven. (However, KGB non-monitoring days will vary from week to week and could change without warning) 4. Russian Military hardware like tanks and armored personnel carriers will be repainted with softer more friendly colors. 5. Soldiers patrolling the streets will be ordered to smile at citizens rather than point machine guns in their faces. 6. Dissidents who are given life sentences in the Siberian Gulag will only have to serve 50 years of their sentences. Communists feel that these reforms are a fair compromise and are willing to grant them if the Russian people do the right thing and restore them to power.