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Politics : Bill Clinton Scandal - SANITY CHECK -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: sea_biscuit who wrote (20364)	12/16/1998 1:22:00 PM
From: DD™	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 67261

Pro Impeachment Declarations Continue to Mount news.stocksmartpro.com DD

To: sea_biscuit who wrote (20364)	12/16/1998 1:37:00 PM
From: Les H	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 67261

FORGET BILL - LET'S IMPEACH HILLARY By ANDREA PEYSER nypostonline.com SCENES from the Hillary Clinton impeachment crisis: Monica Lewinsky's ex-boyfriend's wife walks slowly, somberly, to a podium overlooking the Rose Garden. Overnight, Hillary's royal velvet gown and Princess Di-inspired, feathered blond hairdo have been replaced by her naturally stringy, mousy-brown locks, oversized spectacles and ill-fitting jeans. Absent are members of Mrs. Clinton's latest crop of kissy-face groupies - panting Vogue editor Anna Wintour, half-wit actor Alec Baldwin, Miramax chief Harvey "Cash Machine" Weinstein, woman-betraying feminist Gloria Steinem. Also missing is Hillary's trademark righteous, holier-than-thou posture. Her eyes are downcast in a practiced pose of contrition, reportedly learned in classes on "The Fine Art of Remorse and Groveling," offered by this week's spiritual adviser and rent-a-friend, Jesse Jackson. Ssshh. She's about to speak. HILLARY: "Good afternoon. As anyone close to me knows, for months I have been grappling with how best to reconcile myself to the American people, to acknowledge my own wrongdoing and still to maintain my focus on the work of the co-presidency. "And, lemme tell ya, putting up with that long-winded hillbilly while back-stabbing my old friends and fooling the country into thinking I'm some kind of wounded saint is no easy juggling act. "What I want the American people to know is that I am profoundly sorry for all I have done wrong in words, deeds and fashion felonies. I never should have misled the country, the Congress, my friends, my family. "I never should have worked behind the scenes to mince that little harlot in thong underwear who could almost be a school chum of my daughter's. But if you've seen my popularity poll numbers compared to Monica's, you understand. "I also never should have looked the other way - hell, encouraged - that no-good slime I married to frolic nude in the Oval Office while I was too busy engineering big-government social programs to give him any lovin'. I now confess that pushing Bill's hand away during our recent Mideast trip was a cheesy act orchestrated to garner your sympathy; I haven't let that slob touch me in years." Her eyes moisten. "Quite simply, I gave into my greed and ambition. Mere words cannot express the profound remorse I feel for what our country is going through. Painful though the condemnation of the Congress would be, it would pale in comparison to the consequences of the pain I have caused my family. Particularly Chelsea, who, I fear, is permanently screwed up from watching her tough SOB mom behave like a sniveling simp in a cheap attempt to maintain her private White House bedroom. "I would give anything to go back and undo what I did. But one of the painful truths I have to live with is the reality that is simply not possible. "Should the Congress determine that my errors of word, deed, style, taste, unelected entitlement and presenting myself as a false icon to millions of intelligent and hard-working women require their rebuke and censure, I am ready to accept that." Hillary's apology drew mainly negative reviews. "More manipulation from the master," complained one congresswoman. "That phony! Thanks to her, I can't even show my face in the shopping mall!" railed Monica Lewinsky. In the end, the special House Enablers Committee drafted the following articles of impeachment: Article I: Impersonating a dead princess - badly. Hillary Rodham Clinton corrupted and manipulated the mourning process of millions worldwide for her own personal gain and exoneration by adopting the style of Princess Diana in a sleazy effort to appear on magazine covers and at glitzy premieres while deflecting attention from her own complicity in the high crimes and misdemeanors of her spouse. Article II: Playing dumb in public while privately pulling the strings. Hillary Rodham Clinton, acting as her husband's silent partner, has prevented, obstructed and impeded the administration of justice, and has to that end engaged in a course of conduct or scheme designed to delay, impede, cover up and conceal the existence of evidence and testimony related to a civil-rights action brought against him. Meanwhile, she presented herself as a bubble-head. Enough, already. Impeach Hillary.