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Pastimes : Jokes -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: treetopflier who wrote (1047)	12/17/1998 12:52:00 PM
From: Barney	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 2733

Stupid Laws -In Memphis, Tennessee, it is illegal for a woman to drive a car unless there is a man either running or walking in front of it, waving a red flag to warn approaching motorists and pedestrians. -It is illegal to say "Oh, Boy" in Jonesboro, Georgia. -It is Texas law that when two trains meet each other at a railroad crossing, each shall come to a full stop, and neither shall proceed until the other has gone. In a "true facts" books there was an explanation for this law. It seems that one of the state senators did not want a law passed. To keep this particular law from passing, he attached the train law to it. He hoped that his fellow senators would discover the train law attached, see how ridiculous it was, and not pass the laws. Nobody saw the the train law attached and passed both laws. This may not be the real reason, but it sounds good. And it might explain some of the laws we have to live with. -It is against the law to fish from horseback in Utah. -Idaho state law makes it illegal for a man to give his sweetheart a box of candy weighing less than fifty pounds. -In Denver, it is unlawful to lend your vacuum cleaner to your next door neighbor. -In Devon, Connecticut, it is unlawful to walk backwards after sunset. -No one may catch fish with his bare hands in Kansas. -In Pocatello, Idaho, a law passed in 1912 provided that "The carrying of concealed weapons is forbidden, unless same are exhibited to public view." -Los Angeles "Daily News": Have you ever had the urge to rip the tag from a pillow or mattress, despite the warning of dire penalties? Well, it's perfectly legal now, if you live in Colorado. The Governor formalized the law by gleefully tearing a label from a pillow at his office. "I've been worrying about the mattress inspector jumping through the window for years," he said. -San Francisco is said to be the only city in the nation to have ordinances guaranteeing sunshine to the masses. -In Germany, there is a law that every office must have a view of the sky, however small. So the office buildings are all long and skinny. -Kirkland, Illinois, law forbids bees to fly over the village or through any of its streets. -The state law of Pennsylvania prohibits singing in the bathtub. -It's illegal in Wilbur, Washington, to ride an ugly horse. -A City Ordinance in Oklahoma, states that it shall be unlawful to put any hypnotized person in a display window. -The Arkansas legislature passed a law that states that the Arkansas River can rise no higher than to the Main Street bridge in Little Rock. -In Seattle, Washington, it is illegal to carry a concealed weapon that is over six feet in length. -In Greene, New York, it is illegal to eat peanuts and walk backwards on the sidewalks when a concert is on. -A D.C. federal judge has ruled that begging is a form of free speech protected by the Constitution. That means that mugging is free speech too, only more persuasive. -The New York City Transit Authority has ruled that women can ride the city subways topless. New York law dictates that if a man can be somewhere without a shirt, a woman gets the same right. The decision came after arrests of women testing the ordinance on the subways. A transit police spokesman said they would comply with the new rule, but "if they were violating any other rules, like sitting on a subway bench topless smoking a cigarette, then we would take action." Smoking is not allowed in the subways. -It's against the law in Portland, Oregon for a wedding ceremony to be performed at a skating rink. -It's illegal for frogs to croak after 11 PM in Memphis, Tennessee. -No one is permitted to carry an ice cream cone in their pocket in Lexington, Kentucky. -It's against the law to sing off key in North Carolina. -It's unlawful to tickle a woman's chin with a feather duster in Portland, Maine. -In Baldwin Park, California nobody is allowed to ride a bicycle in a swimming pool. ---------===========================================--------- __ __ ___ __ / // /_ ____ _ ___ ____ / _ )_______ ___ _/ /__ / _ / // / ' \/ _ \/ __/ / _ / __/ -_) _ '/ '_/ /_//_/\_,_/_/_/_/\___/_/ /____/_/ \__/\_,_/_/\_\

To: treetopflier who wrote (1047)	12/17/1998 12:56:00 PM
From: Barney	Respond to of 2733

TIME SERVED....... A woman knocked on the Pearly Gates Her face was scarred and old She trembled and she shook with fear She was just about to fold. "What have you done?" St. Peter asked, "...to gain admission here?" "I've been a loyal AOL user, sir, for many, many years." The Pearly Gate swung open wide St. Peter rung the bell "Come in and choose your harp," he said, "you've had your share of hell." ---------===========================================--------- __ __ ___ __ / // /_ ____ _ ___ ____ / _ )_______ ___ _/ /__ / _ / // / ' \/ _ \/ __/ / _ / __/ -_) _ '/ '_/ /_//_/\_,_/_/_/_/\___/_/ /____/_/ \__/\_,_/_/\_\

To: treetopflier who wrote (1047)	12/17/1998 12:57:00 PM
From: Barney	Respond to of 2733

"Raging Blonde" A blonde suspects that her boyfriend has been cheating on her for some time. In a fit of rage she visits a local gun shop and buys a pistol. She then takes the gun to her boyfriend's apartment to confront him with her suspicions. As she arrives, she hears amorous moans coming from within the apartment. In a rage she bursts in and finds her boyfriend making love to a woman on the floor in front of her. She reaches into her purse to retrieve the weapon and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. In her grief she raises the gun to her own head. The boyfriend jumps up and begins to plead with her not to end it all. She cocks the gun, looks him angrily in the eye and says, "Sit down and shut up, you're next!" ---------===========================================--------- __ __ ___ __ / // /_ ____ _ ___ ____ / _ )_______ ___ _/ /__ / _ / // / ' \/ _ \/ __/ / _ / __/ -_) _ '/ '_/ /_//_/\_,_/_/_/_/\___/_/ /____/_/ \__/\_,_/_/\_\