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Pastimes : Don't Ask Rambi -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Ish who wrote (15507)	12/17/1998 2:51:00 PM
From: Michael Sphar	Read Replies (4) \| Respond to of 71178

Hey waht's this ADD stuff ? I need somethin to explain this messy desk that I work at, and why I don't like filing things.<g>

To: Ish who wrote (15507)	12/17/1998 3:01:00 PM
From: Gauguin	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 71178

(ADD) >>>> He'd put my Queen in jeopardy and I'd think I'll do this and this going out 5 moves. Trouble was I'd start with move 5 and lose my Queen.<<<< Can relate. A good plan goes whacky. We must appear incredibly stupid to some. But I had a period of lucid thinking, willful thinking, calm clear thinking, that lasted a couple of days or maybe hours when I first began one of the ADD counter-actors. I forget the name, naturally. Somehow my physiology immediately adapted to it, and the ADD re-appeared. But that was possibly the best time of my life. And believe me, I was brilliant. Not that it mattered; it was the pure enjoyment of sequential, willful thinking. Of access to all tools at command, by choice. I felt like a painter, able to choose. Power, power, power. What bliss. To intersperse it with moments of calm, not-thinking. By choice. My god, such a thrill. Holy cow, man. If that is how my brain would be, and I felt it was, have always had that inkling or suspicion, ~ if that's a normal brain I want it. Still, and full. Sensing, sensible. Satisfied. Corrective, imaginative, not overwhelmed. The state alone, calm alone, was so satisfying I regard it as the highest state attainable. Seemed to flop into it a couple times in the ancient past, under certain conditions. It was so cool it would make me laugh. A hard, personal, satisfied-gut laugh. Because that layer, calm-me-more, is under there, but I can't experience it that way. Not by any means or effort I know. And it's a very interesting, fulfilling, neat me. I thought that without the ADD overlay and input, my creative composite would change; lessen. That's some of the folklore. For me, it was the opposite. Everything was enhanced, fell more politely and clearly into place, like perfect sequential tumblers. A flow of thought or idea from beginning, to end, and running nowhere else involuntarily. The degree of effort and exertion was reduced so much, it was like a car leveling out or peaking a hill it had been running against all its life. Heavy fuel, mon. Just a clear, calm, (brilliant, to me, but who cares) rested and capable feeling and feel-able head. Not craving experience, having it. Experiencing. Sustaining feelings for more than synaptic microseconds. Calm. heh heh heh. No one believes these things; they are too incredible and personal/subjective, I think. And hey, everybody's got problems. But I would shake the ADD. I want what's under the rug.