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To: kbert who wrote (136)12/24/1998 8:29:00 AM
From: WEBNATURAL  Respond to of 365
 
Plager-ism is a hard thing to spell (especially for a teacher - not me - you!). Ho! Ho! Ho!
Oh, well' it's the holiday season!

The X-[Mas] Files
..

Mulder: We're too late. It's already been here.

Scully: Mulder, I hope you know what you are doing.

Mulder: Look, Scully, just like the other homes: Douglas fir, truncated, mounted,
transformed into some sort of shrine; halls decked with boughs of holly; stockings hung
by the chimney, with care.

Scully: You really think someone's been here?

Mulder: Someone or some THING.

Scully: Mulder, over here -- it's fruitcake.

Mulder: Don't touch it! Those things can be lethal.

Scully: It's O.K. There's a note attached: "Gonna find out who's naughty and nice."

Mulder: It's judging them, Scully. It's making a list.

Scully: Who? What are you talking about?

Mulder: Ancient mythology tells of an obese humanoid entity who could travel at great
speed in a craft powered by antlered servants. Once each year, near the winter solstice,
this creature is said to descend from the heavens to reward its followers and punish its
disbelievers with jagged chunks of anthracite.

Scully: But that's legend, Mulder -- a story told by parents to frighten children. Surely,
you don't believe it?

Mulder: Something was here tonight, Scully. Check out the bite marks on this
gingerbread man. Whatever tore through this plate of cookies was massive -- and in a
hurry.

Scully: It left crumbs everywhere. And look, Mulder, this milk glass has been completely
drained.

Mulder: It gorged itself, Scully. It fed without remorse.

Scully: But why would they leave it milk and cookies?

Mulder: Appeasement. Tonight is the Eve, and nothing can stop its wilding.

Scully: But if this thing does exist, how did it get in? The doors and windows were
locked. There's no sign of forced entry.

Mulder: Unless I miss my guess, it came through the fireplace.

Scully: Wait a minute, Mulder. If you are saying some huge creature landed on the roof
and came down the chimney, you're crazy. The flue is barely six inches wide. Nothing
could get through there.

Mulder: But what if it could alter its shape, move in all directions.

Scully: You mean, like a bowl full of jelly?

Mulder: Exactly. Scully, I've never told anyone this, but when I was a child my home
was visited. I saw the creature. It had long white strips of fur surrounding its ruddy,
misshapen head. Its bloated torso was red and white. I'll never forget the horror. I
turned away, and when I looked back it had somehow taken on the facial features of
my father.

Scully: Impossible.

Mulder: I know what I saw. And that night it read my mind. It brought
me a Mr. Potato Head, Scully. IT KNEW I WANTED A MR. POTATO HEAD.

Scully: I'm sorry, Mulder, but you're asking me to disregard the laws of physics. You
want me to believe in some supernatural being who soars across the skies and brings
gifts to good little girls and boys. Listen to what you are saying. Do you understand the
repercussions? If this gets out, they'll close the X-files.

Mulder: Scully, listen to me: It knows when you are sleeping. It knows when you're
awake.

Scully: But we have no proof.

Mulder: Last year, on this exact date, S.E.T.I. radio telescopes detected bogeys in the
airspace over twenty-seven states. The White House ordered a Condition Red.

Scully: But that was a meteor shower.

Mulder: Officially. Two days ago, eight prized Scandinavian reindeer vanished from the
National Zoo in Washington, D.C. Nobody - not even the zookeeper - was told about
it. The government doesn't want people to know about Project Kringle. They fear that if
this thing is proved to exist, then the public would stop spending half its annual income in
a holiday shopping frenzy. Retail markets will collapse. Scully, they cannot let the world
believe this creature lives. There's too much at stake. They'll do whatever it takes to
insure another silent night.

Scully: Mulder, I --

Mulder: Sh-h-h! Do you hear what I hear?

Scully: On the roof. It sounds like . . . a clatter.

Mulder: The truth is up there. Let's see what's the matter.