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Pastimes : Don't Ask Rambi -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Don Pueblo who wrote (15693)	12/19/1998 10:24:00 PM
From: JF Quinnelly	Read Replies (3) \| Respond to of 71178

Barbie's Wish List: Santa Claus North Pole, North Pole December 23, 1998 Dear Santa: Listen you fat little troll, I've been helping you out every year, playing at being the perfect Christmas Present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in frigid weather, and drowning in fake tea from one too many tea parties, and I hate to break it to ya Santa, but IT'S DEFINITELY PAYBACK TIME! There had better be some changes around here this Christmas, or I'm gonna call for a nationwide meltdown (and trust me, you won't wanna be around to smell it). So, here's my holiday wish list for 1998, Santa: 1. A nice, comfy pair of sweat pants and a frumpy, oversized sweatshirt. I'm sick of looking like a hooker. How much smaller are these bathing suits gonna get? Do you have any idea what it feels like to have nylon and velcro crawling up your butt? 2. Real underwear that can be pulled on and off. Preferably white. What bonehead at Mattel decided to cheap out and MOLD imitation underwear to my skin?!? It looks like cellulite! 3. A REAL man...maybe GI Joe. Hell, I'd take Tickle-Me Elmo over that wimped-out excuse for a boytoy Ken. And what's with that earring anyway? If I'm gonna have to suffer with him, at least make him (and me) anatomically correct. 4. Arms that actually bend so I can push the aforementioned Ken-wimp away once he is anatomically correct. 5. Breast reduction surgery. I don't care whose arm you have to twist, just get it done. 6. A jogbra. To wear until I get the surgery. 7. A new career. Pet doctor and school teacher just don't cut it. How about a systems analyst? Or better yet, a public relations senior account exec! 8. A new, more 90s persona. Maybe "PMS Barbie", complete with a miniature container of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream and a bag of chips; "Animal Rights Barbie", with my very own paint gun, outfitted with a fake fur coat, bottle of spray on blood and handcuffs; or "Stop Smoking Barbie," sporting a removable Nicotrol patch and equipped with several packs of gum. 9. No more McDonald's endorsements. The grease is wrecking my vinyl. 10. Mattel stock options. It's been 37 years--I think I deserve it. Ok, Santa, that's it. Considering my valuable contribution to society, I don't think these requests are out of line. If you disagree, then you can find yourself a new bitch for next Christmas. It's that simple. Yours truly, Barbie

To: Don Pueblo who wrote (15693)	12/19/1998 10:50:00 PM
From: Gauguin	Read Replies (4) \| Respond to of 71178

TLC, Ish, Alex, JF, DsD, Penni, Coby, jp, Tom, Coug, Everyone, ~ I'm going on vacation. Sometime tomorrow early; wife's upstairs showering right now, and when she gets back I will be expected to have a clue as to what it takes to be ready by tomorrow. Oh, dear. The gravity just weighed in. I mean, we can guess what my chances are. Well, anyway, I can't pay attention, so, so, Merry Christamas in the most PC and non-denomenational way possible to everyone. It really is a time we think of friends.