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Pastimes : Let's Talk About Our Feelings!!! -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Rick Julian who wrote (27222)	12/21/1998 9:07:00 PM
From: Hubert Few	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 108807

Rick asked:"Tell me about marriage Hubert. Knowing what you do after 11 years, do you recommend it?" Ah, the question is for whom. There are more reasons for me to divorce than stay married...the tax structure no longer favors marriage, being a "legal" noose around one's neck at times has it's weighty side. Those are the practical aspects. On the purely emotional side marriage is the super glue of relationships. There is nothing else that comes close for it's intended purpose...bonding, like at the hips sometimes it seems! I did not marry until I was 34....my wife had been married previously. I never really thought of myself as either the marrying or parental "kind". In a matter of months I was both! I have little doubt that in five years time I would have been a "confirmed" bachelor. What an odd term, eh???? Is that like supposed to be "closet queer" or what....still haven't figured it out. The fact that I am sitting down in my basement alone, instead of upstairs in the "thick" of social interaction with my family should tell you something....I am a "hand's off" patriarch in this household. The key to a successful marriage as any man will tell you, is to at all times place your wife's needs above your own. Having learned to keep my mouth shut when certain things "needed" to be said, has given my wife room to grow and accept that I have wisdom of my own, and I am not always wrong....just as she is not always right! Things are much nicer than they were 5 years ago. There is no question I love my wife, there is a question as to my ability to see it one year into the relationship, when the word meant something in terms of survival. I treated her so badly the first year of marriage, I should count myself lucky if faithfulness for the rest of my life were enough to heal the wounds. I was the most uncomprimising ass you ever saw, being "right" meant everything. I was "right" so often that I soon found myself alone, and she and my infant son living in a cramped apartment with my mother-in-law. So I told you more than I meant, and now in reflection I see that I have reflected much in the last hour or so. I am now unwound from a very long day, and of an agreeable demeanor! I think I will go spend the rest of the evening with the family.... Cheers!