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Microcap & Penny Stocks : DGIV-A-HOLICS...FAMILY CHIT CHAT ONLY!! -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: William Brotherson who wrote (34843)	12/24/1998 1:03:00 PM
From: woody	Respond to of 50264

OT: Corporate re-structuring hits the North Pole!!!! To: All > cc: Mr. Clause and Mr. Kringle > Re: Personnel and Equipment Policy Changes > Date: December 1998 > > The recent announcement that Donner and Blitzen have elected to take > the early reindeer retirement package has triggered a good deal of > concern about whether they will be replaced, and about other > restructuring decisions at the North Pole. > > Streamlining is due to the North Pole's loss of dominance of the > season's gift distribution business. Home shopping channels and mail > order catalogues have diminished Santa's market share. He could not > sit idly by and permit further erosion of the profit picture. > > The reindeer downsizing was made possible through the purchase of a > late model Japanese sled for the CEO's annual trip. Improved > productivity from Dasher and Dancer, who summered at the Harvard > Business School, is anticipated. Reduction in reindeer will also > lessen airborne environmental emissions for which the North Pole has > received unfavorable press. > > I am pleased to inform you that Rudolph's role will not be > disturbed. Tradition still counts for something at the North Pole. > Management denies, in the strongest possible language, the earlier > leak that Rudolph's nose got that way, not from the cold, but from > substance abuse. Calling Rudolph "a lush who was into the sauce and > never did pull his share of the load" was an unfortunate comment, > made by one of Santa's helpers and taken out of context at a time of > year when he is known to be under executive stress. > > As a further restructuring, today's global challenges require the > North Pole to continue to look for better, more competitive steps. > Effective immediately, the following economy measures are to take > place in the "Twelve Days of Christmas" subsidiary: > > The partridge will be retained, but the pear tree never turned out > to be the cash crop forecasted. It will be replaced by a plastic > hanging plant, providing considerable savings in maintenance; > > The two turtle doves represent a redundancy that is simply not cost > effective. In addition, their romance during working hours could not > be condoned. The positions are therefore eliminated; > > The three French hens will remain intact. After all, everyone loves > the French; > > The four calling birds were replaced by an automated voice mail > system, with a call waiting option. An analysis is underway to > determine who the birds have been calling, how often and how long > they talked; > > The five golden rings have been put on hold by the Board of > Directors.Maintaining a portfolio based on one commodity could have > negative implications for institutional investors. Diversification > into other precious metals as well as a mix of T-Bills and high > technology stocks appear to be in order; > > The six geese-a-laying constitutes a luxury which can no longer be > afforded. It has long been felt that the production rate of one egg > per goose per day is an example of the decline in productivity. > Three geese will be let go, and an upgrading in the selection > procedure by personnel will assure management that from now on every > goose it gets will be a good one. > > The seven swans-a-swimming is obviously a number chosen in better > times.The function is primarily decorative. Mechanical swans are on > order. The current swans will be retrained to learn some new strokes > and therefore enhance their outplacement; > > As you know, the eight maids-a-milking concept has been under heavy > scrutiny by the EEOC. A male/female balance in the workforce is > being sought. The more militant maids consider this a dead-end job > with no upward mobility. Automation of the process may permit the > maids to try a-mending, a-mentoring or a-mulching; > > Nine ladies dancing has always been an odd number. This function > will be phased out as these individuals grow older and can no longer > do the steps; > > Ten Lords-a-leaping is overkill. The high cost of Lords plus the > expense of international air travel prompted the Compensation > Committee to suggest replacing this group with ten out-of-work > congressmen. While leaping ability may be somewhat sacrificed, the > savings are significant because we expect an oversupply of > unemployed congressmen this year; > > Eleven pipers piping and twelve drummers drumming is a simple case > of the band getting too big. A substitution with a string quartet, a > cutback on new music and no uniforms will produce savings which will > drop right down to the bottom line; > > We can expect a substantial reduction in assorted people, fowl, > animals and other expenses. Though incomplete, studies indicate that > stretching deliveries over twelve days is inefficient. If we can > drop ship in one day,service levels will be improved. > > Regarding the lawsuit filed by the attorney's association seeking > expansion to include the legal profession ("thirteen > lawyers-a-suing") action is pending. > > Lastly, it is not beyond consideration that deeper cuts may be > necessary in the future to stay competitive. Should that happen, the > Board will request management to scrutinize the Snow White Division > to see if seven dwarfs is the right number. > > Happy Holidays !!!