Gauguin's Free Commercial Commercial Free Ideas: I just thought of something. (What does that always sound funny?)
MJ made fresh black bean chili yesterday. If I'd had the digicam, I wanted to take pictures of the chopped veggies. This girl needs help. She can't deny it. The peppers, onions, and even carrots ~ egads. Picture a quarter inch square. Now a three sixteenths square is three quarters as large on a side, but RONG - her squares are in-between; between one quarter and three sixteenths, at seven thirty-seconds. I think if she gets triangular pieces at the ends there, she must throw them in the compost, because you don't see them in the piles or measuring cups. I was going to spread them all out on something, like terrazzo, so we could all see; but no not terrazzo, too irregular. She claims she is "getting better", and has loosened her standards on this. She first sensed this liberalization about a month ago, and I thought I was going to have to hurry to get pictures, but after seeing yesterday's piles, there is no need for speed in this photo-doc.
"If I could chop faster, I could cook faster......cooking wouldn't take so long" she bemoaned once.
Well, YAH. She's not a cook. She's a food-mason.
A model rail-roader. A munitions stacker. The Medici's intarsia comes to mind.
I'd like to help, and maybe point out that the stuff goes in that pot over there. And then gets STIRRED!
SOFTENED AND ROUNDED!!!
But hey! Even Gauguin is not stupid enough to upset this paradigm. He's careful, very careful, with his wine glass. Sip and guzzle, but don't spill. Care Bear cups accepted.
Where was I?
Well, that part was ok up there, because the bottom line, was praise for the love of my life.
Let's see. Inventions. Oh yah. I thought - oh wait, it was the chili. Black beans. Sometimes I get hungry in the morning. I'm not sure why it's one and not another, but this A.M. I got to the fridge and pulled out the bowl of chili and got me some and even put the bowl back.
When I got to this desk, my first spoonfull of chili bounced off the side of my bowl onto my keyboard.
It's an eye-hand-mouth thing that's supposed to look like a triangle facing your mouth.
Everyone, I mean everyone, knows that "Not Eating Near Your Keyboard" is impractical. Don't they? Is there still someone I have to beat up? Somebody want to ARGUE?
But my keyboard is starting to look ~ earthy. Like Earth, from an aeroplane. The K has something running down the side, into the distance there, that I have to take off my glasses to look at.
Jesus. Don't do that.
Whatever it was has a sort of trajectory, like it incidented at an angle of fling, splash, or.....something I don't want to say. Whatever it was is a yellowish-caramel brown. Maybe those dal lentils. It's orbital re-entry is about one-third the side of the K. My biggest current deposit. I don't think it's dal though, because whatever it was is.....sticky. That's why you don't want to look down close. It's now got "fuzz" sticking to it. Like felt, only white and long-haired.
And I noticed several other things down there have hair. I have a magnifying lens in the drawer right here, and I'm not even going to get it out. I can't believe I vacuum and wipe this thing regularly.
I do, I promise I do.
There's cat hair, hair, dust whatever dust is, DNA, RNA, and even ~ terrain features. Some look like civilized features. Logjams, bridges, cities, firewatch towers. The delete button in the number pad has a satellite dish. Like Arrecibo. The " is scaring the hell out of the Enter and Shift buttons - reaching out and touching them. Like sensitive-finger cooties. Shift and Enter are leaning to the right, trying to escape. I feel bad for them.
Did you know the buttons on the top rows are a different size? The sides are taller.I didn't know that. I thought the keyboard just sloped. The lowest, front, row has the most spots, as to be expected. They are not visible as abundant until I get down there, and then they look like Phoenix. Theres something between the F1 and F2 up there, like a feather but with a brown center. Damn. I'm going to have to get that lens out.
THIS IS NOT RECOMMENDED TERRITORY.
I FORGOT THAT A SEED COULD BE WHAT THAT IS, A FURRY VEGETABLE/FLOWER TYPE SEED, AND THAT'S WHAT IT IS.
BUT THERE IS SOMETHING NEXT TO F4.
I NEED A FLASHLIGHT.
IT COULD BE SPIDER EGGS.
OK. I have a flashlight. Hey, the flashlight thing is not as bad as I thought. Like turning on the light in your bedroom or closet. There's a piece of tree-bark under D. You can tell long hair cats from short hair. And the thing under F4 looks smaller without the lens; a hazard of lens-looking is increasing the size of the unexpected. It's a dense, custard-colored sphere with cinnamon spots and an umbrella.
I think it's........ooooh....... "food". A food particle. A crumb. Of something. I don't think hash brown would turn out round, on the crumb scale, and I don't eat them. Shrikhand would splatter. Cookie. Pineapple-walnut cookie, sometime in June.
I do have a vacuum ~ matter of fact, it sits in this office, and I use it. I don't have to tell you, some objects go in one way and won't come out, and splatters simply won't vacuum. They suck; they collect, instead. They decorator crab.
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Gauguin's Free Commercial Commercial Free Ideas: Heh heh. Girls, and boys, would love you if they discovered your keyboard was clean. Really. My techie refuses to use rubbers, or "prophylactics". It's okay to put one on when you leave, but typing through one, he has convinced me, is like drinking a muscatel.
SO.
I thought of this idea. Since it's really practically difficult to tidy, I mean really tidy, a keyboard, we, WE, engineer this eco-friendly machine about the size of a printer and lease them to all the Starbucks in America. No, StarWorld. It uses Oxygen and some fluidless scrubbing bubbles and cost One Dollar. Coffee and even those miserable tea people unplug their keys and take them with them. There will be a line. Put the board in first and then order, or the reverse, depending on where the line is. I shouldn't have to tell you this stuff. Machine will not make change. IT IS NOT A CHANGE MACHINE.
Companies will love this and lease them too. For their offices. Insurance companies will imburse them. Can we talk germ vectors? Hell, we're lucky Oregon hasn't made keyboards illegal. There will be seven on every hospital floor.
Building illnesses will be cut 32 per cent.
I think we can start with a budget of two thousand dollars per unit
Worker morale, and romance, will soar.
.
SOMEBODY GET ME THE JOB, SO I CAN SAVE THE WORLD,
AND MY CAREER.
And marriage.
Than you very much. |
