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Pastimes : Jokes -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: N who wrote (1077)	12/31/1998 3:41:00 PM
From: Karin	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 2733

We better stay with the subject, or we get kicked off the board. A DOG NAMED SEX Everybody who has a dog calls him Rover or Boy. I call mine Sex. He's a great pal but he has caused me a great deal of embarrassment. When I went to City Hall to renew his dog license, I told the clerk I would like a license for Sex. He said, "I'd like one too!" Then I said, "But this is a dog." He said he didn't care what she looked like. Then I said, "You don't understand. I've had Sex since I was 9 years old." He winked and said, "You must have been quite a kid." When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took the dog with me. I told the motel clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and me and a special room for Sex. He said, "You don't need a special room. As long as you pay your bill, we don't care what you do." I said, "Look, you don't seem to understand. Sex keeps me awake at night." The clerk said, "Funny - I have the same problem." One day, I entered Sex in a contest, but before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just standing there, looking disappointed. I told him I had planned to have Sex in the contest. He told me I should have sold my own tickets. "But you don't understand," I said, "I had hoped to have Sex on TV". He said, "Now that cable is all over the place, it's no big deal anymore." When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, "your Honor, I had Sex before I was married." The Judge said, "This courtroom isn't a confessional. Stick to the case, please." Then I told him that after I was married, Sex left me. He said that's not unusual. It happens to a lot of people. Last night, Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking around town for him. A cop came over to me and asked, "What are you doing in this alley at 4 o'clock in the morning?" I told him that I was looking for Sex. My case comes up Friday. Karin

To: N who wrote (1077)	1/1/1999 5:07:00 PM
From: Gordon Quickstad	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 2733

>>Gore is a good centrist<< You didn't ask, and this is wrong venue, and I apologize to the others, but the above is just the impression you're supposed to have. Gore has been in grooming for a long time for the office he aspires to. To me, the grooming is just too refined; he appears to have no soul. He stands around trying to look dignified and clever, but ends up looking like a fair-haired boy trying to get more gold stars. I don't consider Clinton a strong leader and I don't consider Gore a strong leader, for some of the same reasons - wishy washy character. I get the impression of his image being operated much like machinery - sort of like that which operated the Wizard of Oz - but with a less scary down-home programming. Remember Tipper and the "lyrics" campaign? Remember the Captain Planet book? These are carefully placed career markers designed to achieve effect and are not heartfelt issues for him. The guy wouldn't know how to act in a crisis, where there is just no time to run a poll. Do I think he will win? Yes, but he's just too phoney for me - overly groomed. I will dislike every minute of his publicly broadcast image and sound, but I have wonderful compensatory skills and am unlikely to suffer much, personally. (Mary Madelyn also does this well with James Carvill).