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Pastimes : Jokes -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: treetopflier who wrote (1099)	1/3/1999 10:23:00 PM
From: Karin	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 2733

A Lutheran minister is driving down to New York to see a show and he's stopped in Connecticut for speeding. The state trooper smells alcohol on his breath and then he sees an empty wine bottle on the floor, and he says, "Sir, have you been drinking?" And the minister says, "Just water." The sheriff says, "Then why do I smell wine?" And the minister looks down at the bottle and says, "Good Lord, He's done it again!" Karin

To: treetopflier who wrote (1099)	1/5/1999 9:21:00 PM
From: Monty Lenard	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 2733

1998 was a crazy year on Wall Street: Helium was up, feathers were down. Paper was stationary. Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading. Knives were up sharply. Cows steered into a bull market. Pencils lost a few points. Hiking equipment was trailing. Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline. Weights were up in heavy trading. Light switches were off. Mining equipment hit rock bottom. Diapers remained unchanged. Shipping lines stayed at an even keel. The market for raisins dried up. Coca Cola fizzled. Caterpillar stock inched up a bit. Sun peaked at midday. Balloon prices were inflated. Scott Tissue touched a new bottom. And batteries exploded in an attempt to recharge the market. 3 new bonds are being issued: * Lewinsky bond: Has no maturity * Gore bond: Has no interest * Clinton bond: Has no principle.