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Pastimes : Jokes -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Yellando who wrote (1101)	1/4/1999 11:47:00 AM
From: Barney	Respond to of 2733

A Russian, a Saudi, a North Korean and a New Yorker are walking down the street. A pollster stops them and asks: "Excuse me, what is your opinion of the meat shortage?"... The Saudi replies; " Excuse me, what's a shortage'?" The Russian replies; " Excuse me, what's meat?" The North Korean replies: " Excuse me, what's an opinion?" and the New Yorker replies: "What's 'Excuse me?'" ---------===========================================--------- __ __ ___ __ / // /_ ____ _ ___ ____ / _ )_______ ___ _/ /__ / _ / // / ' \/ _ \/ __/ / _ / __/ -_) _ '/ '_/ /_//_/\_,_/_/_/_/\___/_/ /____/_/ \__/\_,_/_/\_\

To: Yellando who wrote (1101)	1/4/1999 8:34:00 PM
From: John Messbauer	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 2733

There were once two cowboys, one from Texas and the other from Oklahoma, riding the range when suddenly they came upon a poor sheep with it's head stuck in a fence. Well, the temptation was too much for the Oklahoma cowboy and he quickly leapt from his horse and has his way with the sheep. Upon completing his dirty deed, he stepped back and asked his buddy from Texas if he wanted some. "You bet!" was his enthusiastic reply and he jumped down from his horse and stuck his head through the fence........ ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ A Veterinarian was feeling ill and went to see her doctor. The doctor asked her all the usual questions, about symptoms, how long had they been occurring, etc., when she interrupted him: "Hey look, I'm a vet - I don't need to ask my patients these kind of questions: I can tell what's wrong just by looking." She smugly added, "Why can't you?" The doctor nodded, stood back, looked her up and down, quickly wrote out a prescription, handed it to her and said, "There you are. Of course, if that doesn't work, we'll have to have you put to sleep." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. "Why do you do that, mommy?" he asked. "To make myself beautiful," said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue. "What's the matter?" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up?" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Graffiti No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of putting Up with her shit. Beauty is only a light switch away. Make love, not war. Hell, do both, get married! A Woman's Rule of Thumb: If it has tires or testicles, you're going to Have trouble with it.