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Pastimes : Let's Talk About Our Feelings!!! -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: epicure who wrote (27856)	1/10/1999 6:08:00 PM
From: Father Terrence	Respond to of 108807

Here's some more silly posts for you X: Carnal Knowledge Grampa and Grandma are sitting a the table. Grandma gets up suddenly,rolls up her newspaper and proceeds to slap Grandpa upside the head. He says, "Tarnation! What's that for?" Grandma says, "That's for 40 years of bad sex." Grandpa sits there muttering, rolls up his newspaper, and goes over and slaps Grandma upside the head. She says, "Now what's that for??" He says, "That's for knowing the difference!" __________________________________ The Fortune Teller During a recent publicity outing, Hillary sneaked off to visit a fortune teller of some local repute. In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the mystic delivered grave news. "There's no easy way to say this, Miss Hillary, so's I'll just be blunt: Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death later this year." Visibly shaken, Hillary stared at the woman's lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands. She took a few deep breaths to compose herself. She simply had to know. She met the fortune teller's gaze, steadied her voice, and asked her question: "Will I be acquitted?" __________________________________ What a Wonder! After watching sales falling off for three straight months at Kentucky Fried Chicken, the Colonel calls up the Pope and asks for a favor. The Pope says, "What can I do?" The Colonel says, "I need you to change the daily prayer from, 'Give us this day our daily bread' to 'Give us this day our daily chicken'. If you do it, I'll donate $25 million to the Vatican." The Pope replies, "I am sorry. That is the Lord's Prayer and I can not change the words." So the Colonel hangs up. After another month of dismal sales, the Colonel panics, and calls the Pope again. "Listen your Holiness,. I really need your help. I'll donate $100 million if you change the words of the daily prayer from 'Give us this day our daily bread' to 'Give us this day our daily chicken.'" And the Pope responds, "It is very tempting, Colonel Sanders. The Church could do a lot of good with that much money. It would help us to support many charities. But, again, I must decline. It's the Lord's Prayer, and I cannot change the words." So the Colonel gives up again. After two more months of absolutely terrible sales the Colonel gets desperate. "This is my final offer, your Holiness. If you change the words of the daily prayer from, 'Give us this day our daily bread' to 'Give us this day our daily chicken' I will donate $500 million to the Vatican." The Pope replies, "Let me get back to you." So the next day, the Pope calls together all of his bishops and he says, "I have some good news and I have some bad news. The good news is that KFC is going to donate $500 million to the Vatican." The bishops rejoice at the news. Then one asks about the bad news. The Pope replies, "The bad news is that we lost the $1 billion Wonder Bread account."

To: epicure who wrote (27856)	1/10/1999 6:12:00 PM
From: Father Terrence	Respond to of 108807

Another silly post for my favorite Brand X: College Finals from Hell Instructions: Read each question carefully. Answer all questions. Time Limit: 4 hours. HISTORY Describe the history of the papacy from its origins to the present day, concentrating especially, but not exclusively, on its social, political, economic, religious, and philosophical impact on Europe, Asia, America, and Africa. Be brief, concise, and specific. MEDICINE You have been provided with a razor blade, a piece of gauze, and a bottle of Scotch. Remove your appendix. Do not suture until your work has been inspected. You have 15 minutes. PUBLIC SPEAKING Twenty-five hundred riot-crazed aborigines are storming the classroom. Calm them. You may use any ancient language except Latin or Greek. BIOLOGY Create life. Estimate the differences in subsequent human culture if this form of life had developed 500 million years earlier, with special attention to its probable effect on the English parliamentary system. Prove your thesis. MUSIC Write a piano concerto. Orchestrate and perform it with flute and drum. You will find a piano under your seat. PSYCHOLOGY Based on your degree of knowledge of their works, evaluate the emotional stability, degree of adjustment, and repressed frustrations of each of the following: Alexander of Aphrodisias, Rameses II, Gregory of Nicea, Hammurabi. Support your evaluations with quotations from each man's work, making appropriate references. It is not necessary to translate. SOCIOLOGY Estimate the sociological problems which might accompany the end of the world. Construct an experiment to test your theory. MANAGEMENT SCIENCE Define management. Define science. How do they relate? Why? Create a generalized algorithm to optimize all managerial decisions. Assuming an 1130 CPU supporting 50 terminals, each terminal to activate your algorithm; design the communications interface and all necessary control programs. ENGINEERING The disassembled parts of a high-powered rifle have been placed in a box on your desk. You will also find an instruction manual, printed in Swahili. In ten minutes a hungry Bengal tiger will be admitted to the room. Take whatever action you feel is appropriate. Be prepared to justify your decision. ECONOMICS Develop a realistic plan for refinancing the national debt. Trace the possible effects of your plan in the following areas: Cubism, the Donatist controversy, the wave theory of light. Outline a method for preventing these effects. Criticize this method from all possible points of view. Point out the deficiencies in your point of view, as demonstrated in your answer to the last question. POLITICAL SCIENCE There is a red telephone on the desk beside you. Start World War III. Report at length on its socio-political effects, if any. EPISTEMOLOGY Take a position for or against truth. Prove the validity of your position. PHYSICS Explain the nature of matter. Include in your answer an evaluation of the impact of the development of mathematics on science. PHILOSOPHY Sketch the development of human thought; estimate its significance. Compare with the development of any other kind of thought. GENERAL KNOWLEDGE Describe in detail. Be objective and specific. * EXTRA CREDIT * Define the universe; give three examples.