OK, I know!
The market is down and I'm posting jokes. That's 'cause I'm giddy over the pullback. Besides, I got quite a giggle out of this and being Pisces, I have to spread the cheer...
What to say to a telemarketer!
One thing that has always bugged me, and I'm sure that it does most of you, is to sit down at the dinner table only to be interrupted by a phone call from a telemarketer. I decided on one occasion to try to be as irritating to them as they were to me. The call was from AT&T and it went something like this:
Me (swallowing my dinner): Hello.
>AT&T: Hello, this is AT&T.....
Me: Is this AT&T?
AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T.....
Me: This is AT&T?
AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T.....
Me: Is this really AT&T?
AT&T: YES! THIS IS AT&T! May I speak to Mr. Byron, please?
Me: May I ask who is calling?
AT&T: This is AT&T!
Me: OK. Hold on!
(At this point I put the phone down for a solid five minutes and ate my salad, thinking that surely this person would have given up and hung up. Much to my surprise, when I picked up the phone she was still waiting!)
Me: Hello.
AT&T: Hello, is this Mr. Byron?
Me: May I ask who is calling, please?
AT&T: Yes. This is AT&T.
Me: Is this AT&T?
AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T.
Me: This is AT&T?
AT&T: YES! Is this Mr. Byron?
Me: Yes, is this AT&T?
AT&T: Yes sir.
Me: The phone company?
AT&T: Yes, sir!
Me: I thought you said this was AT&T.
AT&T: Yes, sir. We are a phone company.
Me: I already have a phone.
AT&T: We aren't selling phones today, Mr. Byron.
Me: Well, whatever it is, I'm really not interested, but thanks for calling. (When you are not interested in something, I don't think that you can express yourself any plainer than by saying I'm really not interested, but this lady was persistent!)
AT&T: Mr. Byron, we would like to offer you 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.
(Now I am sure she meant she was offering a rate of ten cents a minute, but she at no time used the word "rate." I could clearly see that it was time to whip out the trusty old calculator and do a little ciphering.)
Me: Now that's 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day?
AT&T (sounding excited at this point because of my interest): Yes sir, that's right! 24 hours a day!
Me: 7 Days a week?
AT&T: That's right!
Me: 365 days a year?
AT&T: Yes, sir!
Me: I am definitely interested in that! Wow!! That's amazing!
AT&T: We think so!
Me: That's quite a sum of money!
AT&T: Yes, sir. It's amazing how it adds up.
Me: OK. So will you send me checks weekly, monthly, or just one big one at the end of the year for the full $52,560, and if you send the check annually, can I get a cash advance?
AT&T: Excuse me?
Me: You know. The 10 cents a minute.
AT&T: What are you talking about?
Me: You said you'd give me 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. That comes to $144 per day, $1008 per week and $52,560 per year. I'm just interested in how you'll be making payments.
AT&T: Oh no, sir, I didn't mean we'd be paying you! You pay us 10 cents a minute.
Me: Wait a minute here!!! Didn't you say you'd give me 10 cents a minute? Are you sure this is AT&T?
AT&T: Well yes, sir. This is AT&T, sir. But....
Me: But nothing! How do you figure that by saying you'll give me 10 cents a minute, that I'll give you 10 cents a minute? Is this some sort of subliminal telemarketing scheme? I've read about things like this in the Enquirer, you know. Don't use your alien brainwashing techniques on me!
AT&T: No, sir! We are offering 10 cents a minute for....
Me: THERE YOU GO AGAIN! Can I speak to a supervisor, please?
AT&T: Sir, I don't think that is necessary.
Me: Sure. You say that now! What happens later?
AT&T: What?
Me: I insist on talking to a supervisor!
AT&T: Yes, Mr. Byron. Please hold.
(So now AT&T has me on hold and my supper is getting cold. I begin to eat while I'm waiting for a supervisor. After a wait of a few minutes and while I have a mouth full of food, he responds.)
Supervisor: Mr. Byron?
Me: Yeth.
Supervisor: I understand you are not quite understanding our 10 cents a minute program.
Me: Ith thith AYTH TEETH AND TEETH?
Supervisor: Yes, sir, it sure is.
(I had to swallow before I choked on my food. It was all I could do to suppress my laughter, and I had to be careful not to produce a snort.)
Me: No, actually, I was waiting for someone to get back to me so I could sign up for the plan.
Supervisor: OK. No problem, I'll transfer you back to the person who was helping you.
Me: Thank you!
(I was on hold once again and had managed a few more mouthfuls. I really needed to end this conversation. Suddenly there was an aggravated but polite voice at the other end of the phone....)
AT&T: Hello, Mr.Byron, I understand that you are interested in signing up for our plan?
Me: Do you have that Friends and Family thing? Because you can never have enough friends and I'm an only child and I'd really like to have a little brother....
AT&T: (CLICK) |
