Here's the Jive version, complements of TLC's link....
Man.
'S coo', bro.... De oda' day, ah' dought ah' wuz comin' waaay down wid some cold, see? Well, ah' knowed dat if ah' could dig enough fresh Garlic in me, even de cold virus wouldn't wanna dig near. Ah be baaad..... know whut ah' mean?
So, ah' wooped down de fresh batch uh salsa. WORD! ah' mean it wuz baaaad! Right on! ah' used 1/2 uh an entire elephant garlic, 4 o' 5 vine ripe tomatos, one entire large japalano, and half an onion. 'S coo', bro. Den ah' spun de handle on mah' Deluxe Vegatable Choppuh' (ya' know, de kind ya' see on TV) and widin 30 seconds - poof! Right on! FRESH SALSA!
Right on! Well, seein' be how ah' had da damn cold comin' on, mah' sniffa' wuzn't wo'kin' too baaaad. And ah' had some new tube uh dose Fat Free Prin'les... ya' know, de new ones - dat use dat syndetic oil - Olestra. WORD! ah' poured da damn whole choppuh' uh Salsa into some big bowl, jimmey'd de kin uh chips, and sat waaay down t'de Kitchen Clunker, t'read some few posts on SI and do some tradin'.
I plum kep' eatin', eyeballin' and tradin'... and feedin' da bud and eyeballin'... well, ya' know whut ah' mean. 'S coo', bro... especially if youse eyeballin' dis. All uh de sudden, de salsa wuz all gone! Right on! And ah' wuz 100 posts behind on de MARKET GEMS dread.
So, back t'de counta' tops, wid de oda' half uh garlic, 4 mo'e vine ripe tomatos, anoda' full real large jalapeno and da damn oda' half uh dat onion. 'S coo', bro. And, ah' found anoda' tube uh de Fat Free Prin'les, Bar-B-Q flavo'ed dis time.
Finally ah' wuz back t'de dreads... eatin', eyeballin' and tradin'. Until ah' finally finished all uh de Salsa, 2nd tube uh Fat Free Prin'les, and about da damn 3td o' 4d Diet Coke.
Now, ah' duzn't know how many uh ya' know plum whut an Elephant Garlic is... but it's plum whut it says it is. It's an elephant sized garlic. Co' got d' beat! One dat could be used sparin'ly, and it would be enough fo' about, oh, say 25 t'30 servin's uh any garlic based dish. Lop some boogie. But widout real dinkin' about it (cause ah' wuz makin' some killin' in ASND and DGIV) ah' had consumed da damn entire doodad....
As luck would gots it, ah' dun didn't real dink about it - until about 6 hours lata' when ah' had t'go t'de badroom. WORD! Now, ah' wanna ax' ya' an honest quesshun. How many uh ya' gots some laptop wired directly t'de net, so's ya' kin eyeball while youse in de badroom? I've tried t''splain t'my mama dat be not real dat unusual.... be it? I'll bet Bill Gates plum sits waaay down and looks at some wall sized screen and uses verbal commands. (which would mosey on down across fine funky at mah' crib if some sucka wuz walkin' past da damn closed badroom doo' and dey heard me say "Control Shift 'F' Seven Backspace" o' sump'n likes dat. Man! ah' mean, dey'ed wonda' whut ah' wuz hangin' in dere.)
So, it's nite time now, and I'm hangin' mah' business, chasin' de Chicken's comments as he snatch'd me on some tour uh about 50 dreads, when all uh de sudden ah' realize dat mah' sniffa' is wo'kin' again! Right on! Well, partially, at least. Man! I'm not sho' man if whut ah' am smellin' - be whut ah' am supposed t'be smellin'. You's know whut ah' mean? You's know when sump'n be kind'a familiar, but sump'n's plum not quite right? ah' dought ah' wuz in an Italian Resturant. Man! Yeah Holmes... dat's whut it wuz... ah' wuz in an Italian Resturant, in de kitchen. 'S coo', bro. De mo'e ah' dought about it, de stronga' it gots. Exponentially stronger! Right on! Whew, so cut me some slack, Jack... ah' wuz way past Italian Resturant when mah' curiousity gots de betta' part uh me. ah' plum had t'look. Ya' know?
So, ah' put da damn laptop waaay down out uh de way, and ah' looked. (I dink it's some dude doodad.) Well, do ya' rememba' dose pictures uh de Exxon Valdez oil spill? Dat's whut ah' wuz lookin' at. Man! ah' mean, pools uh oil floatin' on top uh de booze... Well, now ah' know why Frito Lay had t'change deir motto fum "Bet You's Can't Eat Just One" t'"Bet You's Can't Go Just Once." Dat Olestra passes right dru, touchin' nodin' in its alley. And gots ya' eva' tried t'clean down afta' usin' an oil based paint? Man, ah' dough ah' wuz goin' t'need some turpentine.
Anyway, dis at one time, had sump'n t'do about salsa. WORD! But ah' guess it's impo'tant t'watch whut ya' feed da bud it wid too. 'S coo', bro. As fo' de garlic - ah' couldn't even dig near me fo' about some day. Slap mah fro!
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