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Pastimes : Jokes -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Karin who wrote (1204)	1/22/1999 10:32:00 PM
From: Peter S. Maroulis	Respond to of 2733

This is from Philippe's joke archive, you've probably seen it. WOMEN'S ENGLISH *********************** Yes = No No = Yes Maybe = No I'm sorry. = You'll be sorry. We need = I want It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now. Do what you want = You'll pay for this later. We need to talk = I need to complain Sure... go ahead = I don't want you to. I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron! You're ... so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about? Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs. This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house. I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper..... Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there! I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep. Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive. How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going to like. I'll be ready in a minute. = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV. Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful. You have to learn to communicate. = Just agree with me. Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you're dead.] Was that the baby? = Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep. I'm not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important. MEN'S ENGLISH: ******************** I'm hungry. = I'm hungry. I'm sleepy = I'm sleepy. I'm tired. = I'm tired. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you. Can I call you sometime? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you. May I have this dance? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you. Nice dress! = Nice cleavage! You look tense, let me give you a massage. = I want to fondle you. What's wrong? = I don't see why you are making such a big deal out of this. What's wrong? = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now? What's wrong? = I guess sex tonight is out of the question. I'm bored. = Do you want to have sex? I love you. = Let's have sex now. I love you, too. = Okay, I said it...we'd better have sex now! Yes, I like the way you cut your hair. = I liked it better before. Yes, I like the way you cut your hair. = $50 and it doesn't look that much different! Let's talk. = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me. Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys. {when shopping}"I like that one better." = Pick any freakin' dress and let's go home! I don't think that blouse and that skirt go well together. = I am gay. . . . .

To: Karin who wrote (1204)	1/23/1999 10:40:00 PM
From: John Messbauer	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 2733

A priest is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach. After watching the boys efforts for some time, the priest moves closer to the boy's position. He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing his hand kindly on the child's shoulder leans over and gives the doorbell a sold ring. Crouching down to the child's level, the priest smiles benevolently and asks, "And now what, my little man?" To which the boy replies, "Now we run!"