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Pastimes : Jokes -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: P.S.N. who wrote (1229)	1/26/1999 1:25:00 PM
From: Barney	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 2733

THREE WISE WOMEN! You do know what would have happened if it had been three wise WOMEN instead of men, don't you? They would have asked for directions, arrived on time, helped deliver the baby, cleaned the stable, made a casserole and brought disposable diapers as gifts!

To: P.S.N. who wrote (1229)	1/26/1999 1:29:00 PM
From: Barney	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 2733

Mastercard invoice from Minnesota: Tickets to the Vikings Championship game:$350.00 Earplugs:$3.99 Case of beer and a tank of gas on the way to the game:$32.00 Vikings Jersey:$80.00 Two beers and two hot dogs: $23.00 Two more beers and two more hotdogs: $23.00 Two more beers since you spilled yours after Randy Moss's touchdown: $15.00 Dry-cleaning bill after spilling beer on your shirt after Cunningham's diving touchdown: $30.00 Watching the Vikings on Sunday afternoon, the highest scoring team in NFL history, with the rookie of the year -Randy Moss, and having Gary Anderson, with a perfect season and most consecutive kicks, miss a 38 yard field goal to take the Vikings out of the Super Bowl: .......Priceless

To: P.S.N. who wrote (1229)	1/26/1999 4:10:00 PM
From: treetopflier	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 2733

PETER MARSHALL'S LIST OF FAVORITE ANSWERS FROM "HOLLYWOOD SQUARES" 1. According to Movie Life magazine, Ann-Margaret would like to start having babies, soon, but her husband wants her to wait awhile. Why? PAUL LYNDE: He's out of town. 2. What are "dual-purpose cattle" good for that other cattle aren't? PAUL LYNDE: They give milk...and cookies, but I don't recommend the cookies. 3. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant? PAUL LYNDE: Who told you about my elephant? 4. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex? CHARLEY WEAVER: I'll lend him the car. The rest is up to him. 5. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they? CHARLEY WEAVER: His feet. 6. Before a cow will give you any milk, she has to have something very important. What? PAUL LYNDE: An engagement ring. 7. According to Robert Mitchum, one thing has ruined more actors than drinking. What? CHARLEY WEAVER: Not drinking. 8. True or false: Some African Watusi tribesmen greet guests by running toward them at full speed, then high-jumping over them. CHARLEY WEAVER: This is sometimes terribly embarrassing to tall guests. 9. You're on your first visit to Japan, and you head right for the Kabuki. Why? PAUL LYNDE: It was a long plane ride. 10. If you're going to make a parachute jump, you should be at least how high? CHARLEY WEAVER: Three days of steady drinking should do it. 11. Do female frogs croak? PAUL LYNDE: If you hold their little heads under water. 12. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman? DON KNOTTS: That's what's been keeping me awake. 13. True or false: Many people sleep better in their street clothes than they do in their pajamas. PAUL LYNDE: Yes. We call them winos. 14. According to psychologists, when a child begins to get curious about sex, what is the one question he will most ask his mommy and daddy? PAUL LYNDE: Where can I get some? 15. Your baby has a certain object which he loves to cling to. Should you try to break him of his habit? JOAN RIVERS: Yes. It's daddy's turn. 16. Question: In what state was Abraham Lincoln born? PAUL LYNDE: Naked and screaming like the rest of us.