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Pastimes : Jokes -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Karin who wrote (1320)	2/7/1999 12:45:00 AM
From: Mad2	Respond to of 2733

BILL CLINTON'S VERSION OF MY FAVORITE THINGS (FROM THE SOUND OF MUSIC) My Favorite Things: Blow jobs and land deals in backwater places, Big Macs and french fries and girls with big faces, Lots of nice cleavage that makes willie spring, These are a few of my favorite things Susan McDougal and Gennifer Flowers, Horny young interns who while 'way the hours, Profits from futures that Hillary brings, These are a few of my favorite things Beating the draft board and getting elected, Naming to judgeships some hacks I've selected, Conspiracy theories that blame the right wing, These are a few of my favorite things Golfing with Vernon and suborning perjury, Falling down drunk that required knee surgery Stars in the White House who come here to sing, These are a few of my favorite things Meeting with Boris and Helmut and Tony, States of the Union with lots of baloney, Winning debates and the joy of my flings, These are a few of my favorite things When that Jones bites, When Ken Starr stings, When I'm feeling sad, I simply remember my favorite things, And then I don't feel so bad

To: Karin who wrote (1320)	2/7/1999 12:47:00 AM
From: Mad2	Respond to of 2733

Perspective A Navy Chief and an Admiral were sitting in the barber shop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves-the barbers were reaching for some aftershave to slap on their faces. The Admiral shouted, "HEY! Don't put that shit on me! My wife will think I've been in a whorehouse!" The Chief turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put it on. My wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like." Roses So this woman and her husband have this really bad fight. He goes off to work the next day without talking to her but she doesn't care. She is busy doing her thing around the house. All of the sudden, around 1:00 in the afternoon, the doorbell rings. She goes to the door and opens it and there is a young delivery guy from the local florist shop with an enormous, beautiful bouquet of long-stemmed red roses...the expensive ones...from her husband. She says to the delivery guy with disgust, "Oh SHIT!" The delivery guy says, "What's a matter lady? You don't like roses?" She replies, "Yeah, I like roses, but do you know what this means???" He says, "No, Lady, what does this mean?" She answers, "It means for the next two weeks I'll be laying on my back with my legs in the air." He replies, "Geez, Lady, don't you have a vase???"