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Pastimes : Jokes -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Karin who wrote (1338)	2/7/1999 11:38:00 PM
From: Hart	Respond to of 2733

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math. ha ha ha.. I want a bumper sticker like that one.

To: Karin who wrote (1338)	2/7/1999 11:47:00 PM
From: Hart	Respond to of 2733

Morris walks into an insurance office and asks for a job. "We don't need anyone," they replied. "You can't afford not to hire me. I can sell anyone, anytime, anything." "Well we have two prospects that no one has been able to sell. If you can sell just one, you have a job." He was gone about two hours, and returned and handed them two checks - one for $25,000.00 and another for $50,000.00. "How in the world did you do that?" they asked. "I told you I'm the worlds best salesman. I can sell anyone, anywhere, anytime!" "Did you get a urine sample?" they asked him. "What's that?" he asked. "Well, if you sell a policy over $20,000.00 the company requires a urine sample. Take these two bottles and go back and get urine samples." Morris was gone about six hours and they were fixing to close when in he walks in with two five gallon buckets, one in each hand. He sets the buckets down, and reaches in his shirt pocket and produces two bottles of urine, and sets them on the desk and says, "Here's Mr. Brown's and this one is Mr. Smith's." "That's good," they said, "but what's in those two buckets?" "Well, I passed by the Holiday Inn and they were having a State Teacher's Convention, so I stopped and sold them a group policy!"

To: Karin who wrote (1338)	2/7/1999 11:51:00 PM
From: Hart	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 2733

One day, a guy was on his way home from work when the most remarkable thing happened. Traffic was heavy as usual, and as he sat there at a red light, out of nowhere a bird slammed into his windshield. If that wasn't strange enough, the poor creature got its wing stuck under the windshield wiper. Just then the light turned green and there the guy was with a bird stuck on his windshield. Without any other apparent options, he turned on the windshield wipers to try to get rid of the bird. It actually worked. On the upswing, the bird flew off, and it slammed right onto the windshield of the car behind him. Unfortunately, the car behind him was a police car. Immediately the lights went on and he was forced to pull over. The officer walked up and told him that he saw what had happened at the light. Trying to plead his case fell on deaf ears. The officer simply stated, "I am going to have to write you up for flipping me the bird."

To: Karin who wrote (1338)	2/8/1999 12:39:00 AM
From: Mad2	Respond to of 2733

SOMEONE ELSE We were saddened to learn this week of the sudden and unexpected death of one of our most active members, Someone Else. This is very sobering news. Someone Else's passing creates a vacancy that will be difficult to fill. Else had been with us for years and for every on of those years, Someone did far more that a normal person's share of the work. Whenever leadership was mentioned, this wonder person was looked to for inspiration as well as results; "Someone Else can work with that group" - "Someone Else can do it" - "Last time we needed to perform the impossible Someone Else did it", its been fortunate that Someone Else was always there to make sure things got done. It was common knowledge that Someone Else was among the largest givers in our Chapter. Whenever there was a financial need or another worker needed help, everyone assumed that Someone Else would make up the difference. Someone Else was a wonderful person, sometimes appearing to be superhuman, but a person can only do so much. Were the truth known, everybody expected too much of Someone Else. With Someone Else's untimely passing things are going to have to change if we expect things to get accomplished. We can no longer depend on Someone Else. So it looks as if we must do together what has to be done, as Someone Else is no longer around to fill in and make sure it happens.