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Politics : Ask Michael Burke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?


To: Knighty Tin who wrote (46104)2/8/1999 12:45:00 PM
From: accountclosed  Read Replies (1) | Respond to of 132070
 
Today is the day for free stuff:

Message 7717294



To: Knighty Tin who wrote (46104)2/8/1999 1:55:00 PM
From: wlheatmoon  Read Replies (1) | Respond to of 132070
 
Humor to kill the time. Unfortunately, these words have been actually been utterred. <GG>

Moments when saying nothing might have worked out better...

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: I
Would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if
we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we
cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever.
*Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest

Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in The country. *Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC

I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body.
*Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward

Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the
world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that but not with all those flies and death and stuff.
*Mariah Carey, pop singer

I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We
are the president."
*Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents

The police are not here to create disorder. They're here to preserve
disorder."
*Former Chicago mayor Daley during the infamous 1968 Democratic
Party Convention

Things are more like they are now than they ever were before.
*Former U.S. President Dwight D. Eisenhower

Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas.
*Former Australian cabinet minister Keppel Enderbery

We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
*Jason Kidd, upon his drafting to the Dallas Mavericks

Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the
same reactions in the brain as marijuana ... The researchers also
discovered other similarities between the two, but can't remember what they are. *Matt Lauer on NBC's Today show, August 22

Half this game is ninety percent mental.
*Philadelphia Phillies manager Danny Ozark

They're multipurpose. Not only do they put the clips on, but they take
them off.
*Pratt & Whitney spokesperson explaining why the company charged
the Air Force nearly $1,000 for an ordinary pair of pliers

It is wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
*Former U.S. Vice President Dan Quayle

I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have
was that I didn't study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people.
*Former U.S. Vice President Dan Quayle

It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities
in our air and water that are doing it.
*Former U.S. Vice President Dan Quayle


The streets are safe in Philadelphia. It's only the people who make them unsafe.
*Frank Rizzo, ex-police chief and mayor of Philadelphia

The president has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
*Clinton aide George Stephanopolous speaking on "Larry King Live"

After finding no qualified candidates for the position of principal, the school board is extremely pleased to announce the appointment of
David Steele to the post.
*Philip Streifer, Superintendent of Schools, Barrington, Rhode Island

That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jack ass,
And I'm just the one to do it.
*A congressional candidate in Texas

Without censorship, things can get terribly confused in the public mind.
*General William Westmoreland, during the war in Vietnam

Ever since I was a kid, I've always been a real deep thinker and stuff
*Billy Ray Cyrus



To: Knighty Tin who wrote (46104)2/8/1999 7:00:00 PM
From: Knighty Tin  Read Replies (1) | Respond to of 132070
 
To All, Had an exhilirating night at the track Sunday. One of my favorite "sure things" turned up. I have developed what I call a "leading jockey" theory. If the leading jockey is having a bad night on favorites, wait until he is riding a three-legged jackass. Then, bet the ranch on it.

We had that last night. The leading jockey had ridden favorites in several races and won nary a one. In fact, he was only in the money on one race. During the 9th race, he had a claimer that had a morning line of 12 to 1. I put the sucker into a trifecta, even though all logic said he should be in a glue factory, instead. <G>

Now, the two favorites went to the back of the pack and had a nice discussion about stud service when they retire. Since they were geldings, I don't think they quite understood the concept. <G> Meanwhile, my longshot was tearing up the track. Unfortunately, somebody forgot to tell the rider of the third favorite to strangle her horse. She won by a nose. However, even with my long shot in second, the $2 trifecta paid me $800 on a $16 ticket.

Unfortunately, my Mother and my girlfriend were with me and they also bet the tri. Now, all I have been hearing all day is, "when are we going back to the track?" <G>

MB



To: Knighty Tin who wrote (46104)2/9/1999 1:41:00 AM
From: Yogizuna  Read Replies (1) | Respond to of 132070
 
MB, **OT**
When I was a gay young lad in the 1970's (not the Frisco kind <g>), I met a very beautiful blonde gal who looked familiar, but I just could'nt place her. After I put the wires back in on her malfunctioning 8 track deck in her 68' red Mustang convertible one night after saving her from getting roughed up by a bunch of guys, she confided in me that Milton Berle once slept over her parent's house! That's right, UNCLE MILTIE!!! And she said that she could not get heavily involved with me, because she wanted to become a star on Broadway and all that sparkling glitter and jazz. Yet somehow, I convinced this beautiful young aspiring actress to stay with poor old working class slobola me!
So, we decided to "live in sin", with me working mucho overtime to afford the upper middle class apartment that we could not afford. Then one spooky Halloween night, it happened! Watching a now very famous horror flick on our brand new RCA XL100 25" color T.V. while she lay sleeping, I saw her!!! At least it LOOKED like her. She did have a sister, but they were not twins! Quick (I said to myself), get the camera! So I carefully snapped away at scene after scene, and did'nt tell her what had happened. When the developed prints came back, they were surprisingly clear (not bad for a regular Kodak 126 camera), and I could'nt wait to show them to her mother, as that would be the best test as to whether or not it was really her. The very first thing her mom said when she saw the pictures was "What is Sherry doing on T.V.???" At that point, I almost had the big one that Redd Foxx was always talking about! <G> Now I understood the "Berle connection" better, or did I? To make a long story shorter, she did some go-go dancing on the side, sometimes at the same place Adrienne Barbeau used to dance before her role in "Maude", and lucky me used to get dragged along to guard her, while the other dancers would confide in me over drinks. But alas, our five year "significant other" relationship ended rather badly, when I found out that the photo session she was supposedly doing for "Oui" magazine, was in fact an XXX rated scene. That is where I drew the line. Yogi