Silicon Investor (SI) -- The First Internet Community

STOCKTALK

We've detected that you're using an ad content blocking browser plug-in or feature. Ads provide a critical source of revenue to the continued operation of Silicon Investor. We ask that you disable ad blocking while on Silicon Investor in the best interests of our community. If you are not using an ad blocker but are still receiving this message, make sure your browser's tracking protection is set to the 'standard' level.

Pastimes : Jokes -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: John Messbauer who wrote (1347)	2/8/1999 9:11:00 PM
From: Barney	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 2733

Got this today and wanted to share it, cute. What We Learn Through the Ages... I've learned that I like my teacher because she cries when we sing "Silent Night"............... Age 6 I've learned that you can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.............. Age 7 I've learned that when I wave to people in the country, they stop what they are doing and wave back.............. Age 9 I've learned that just when I get my room the way I like it, Mom makes me clean it up.............. Age 13 I've learned that if you want to cheer yourself up, you should try cheering someone else up..............Age 14 I've learned that although it's hard to admit it, I'm secretly glad my parents are strict with me.............. Age 15 I've learned that silent company is often more healing than words of advice...............Age 24 I've learned that brushing my child's hair is one of life's great pleasures...............Age 26 I've learned that wherever I go, the world's worst drivers have followed me there............... Age 29 I've learned that if someone says something unkind about me, I must live so that no one will believe it............... Age 39 I've learned that there are people who love you dearly but just don't know how to show it............... Age 41 I've learned that you can make some one's day by simply sending them a little card............... Age 44 I've learned that the greater a person's sense of guilt, the greater his need to cast blame on others................ Age 46 I've learned that children and grandparents are natural allies................Age 47 I've learned that singing "Amazing Grace" can lift my spirits for hours................ Age 49 I've learned that motel mattresses are better on the side away from the phone................Age 50 I've learned that you can tell a lot about a man by the way he handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights................Age 51 I've learned that keeping a vegetable garden is worth a medicine cabinet full of pills................Age 52 I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you miss them terribly after they die........ Age 53 I've learned that making a living is not the same thing as making a life.................Age 58 I've learned that if you want to do something positive for your children,try to improve your marriage.................Age 61 I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance. Age 62 I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catchers mitt on both hands. You need to be able to throw something back.Age 64 I've learned that if you pursue happiness, it will elude you. But if you focus on your family, the needs of others, your work, meeting new people, and doing the very best you can, happiness will find you. ..............Age 65 I've learned that whenever I decide something with kindness, I usually make the right decision.................Age 66 I've learned that everyone can use a prayer.................Age 72 I've learned that it pays to believe in miracles. And to tell the truth, I've seen several.................Age 73 I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one. ................Age 82 I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love that human touch - holding hands, a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back.................Age 85 I've learned that I still have a lot to learn..............Age 92 I've learned that you should pass this on to someone you care about. Sometimes they just need a little something to make them smile.

To: John Messbauer who wrote (1347)	2/8/1999 9:14:00 PM
From: Barney	Respond to of 2733

A very successful lawyer parked his brand new Jaguar XK-8 in front of the office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he was getting out of the car, a truck came along, too close to the curb, and completely tore off the driver's door off the Jag. The counselor immediately grabbed his cell phone, dialed 911, and it wasn't more that 5 minutes before a policeman pulled up. Before the cop had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically. His Jag, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter how the body shop tried to make it like new again. After the lawyer finally wound down from his rant, the cop shook his head in disgust and disbelief. "I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are," he said. "you are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else." "How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer. The cop replied, "Didn't you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you." "My God!" screamed the lawyer. "Where's my Rolex?"

To: John Messbauer who wrote (1347)	2/8/1999 9:18:00 PM
From: Barney	Respond to of 2733

Subject: 30 Things You Should Never Say to a Naked Man 1. I've smoked fatter joints than that. 2. Ahhhh, it's cute. 3. Why don't we just cuddle? 4. You know they have surgery to fix that. 5. Make it dance. 6. Can I paint a smiley face on it? 7. Wow, and your feet are so big. 8. It's OK, we'll work around it. 9. Will it squeak if I squeeze it? 10. Oh no... a flash headache. 11. (giggle and point) 12. Can I be honest with you? 13. How sweet, you brought incense. 14. This explains your car. 15. Maybe if we water it, it'll grow. 16. Why is God punishing me? 17. At least this won't take long. 18. I never saw one like that before. 19. But it still works, right? 20. It looks so unused. 21. Maybe it looks better in natural light. 22. Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes? 23. Are you cold? 24. If you get me real drunk first. 25. Is that an optical illusion? 26. What is that? 27. It's a good thing you have so many other talents. 28. Does it come with an air pump? 29. So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality. 30. I guess this makes me the 'early bird'.