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Pastimes : Ask God -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Alan Markoff who wrote (24252)	2/12/1999 6:04:00 PM
From: PROLIFE	1 Recommendation Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 39621

How about some: DILBERTISMS 1. I can please only one person a day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either. 2. I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by. 3. If I'm getting smart with you, how would you know? 4. Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience. 5. Someday we'll look back on all this and plow into a parked car. 6. There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives. 7. Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it. 8. Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time you need him, chances are you won't be needing him again. 9. I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem. my personal favorite: 10. Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, "Where the heck is the ceiling?" 11. My Reality Check bounced! 12. On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key. 13. I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier. 14. You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter. 15. Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, 'cuz you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup." 16. Everybody is somebody else's weirdo!

To: Alan Markoff who wrote (24252)	2/12/1999 6:05:00 PM
From: Alan Markoff	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 39621

OK Heres just one more I thought was funny, Bear Warning: BEARS This important message was from the desk of the Principal Acquisitions Librarian Stanford University Libraries Acting in her capacity as Librarian she acquired this notice from the Montana Department of Fish and Game Important notice! Montana grizzly bear notice: In light of the rising frequency of human/grizzly bear conflicts, the Montana Department of Fish and Game is advising hikers, hunters, and fishermen to take extra precautions and keep alert for bears while in the field. We advise that outdoorsmen wear noisy little bells on their clothing so as not to startle bears that aren't expecting them. We also advise outdoorsmen to carry pepper spray with them in case of an encounter with a bear. It is also a good idea to watch out for fresh signs of bear activity. Outdoorsmen should recognize the difference between black bear and grizzly bear droppings (scat). Black bear scat is smaller and contains lots of berries and squirrel fur. Grizzly bear scat has little bells in it and smells like pepper. The moral of this to me is to be careful of what advice you listen too.