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Pastimes : Jokes -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Naggrachi who wrote (1385)	2/12/1999 11:33:00 PM
From: Barney	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 2733

The "Lighter" Side Of Marriage 1. Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence (a life sentence!). 2. Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over, the strings are attached. 3. Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore marriage is an institution for the blind. 4. Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her Masters. 5. Marriage is a thing which puts a ring on a woman's finger and two under the man's eyes. 6. Marriage certificate is just another word for a work permit. 7. Marriage is not just a having a wife but also worries inherited forever. 8. Marriage requires a man to prepare 4 types of "RINGS" : The Engagement Ring, The Wedding Ring, The Suffe-Ring, The Endu-Ring. 9. Married life is full of excitement and frustration: In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they BOTH speak and the NEIGHBOURS listen. 10. It is true that love is blind but marriage is definitely an eye-opener. 11. Getting married is very much like going to the restaurant with friends. You order what you want, and when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that. 12. It's true that all men are born free and equal - but some of them get MARRIED! 13. There was this man who muttered a few words in the church and found himself married. A year later he muttered something in his sleep and found himself divorced. 14. A happy marriage is a matter of giving and taking; the husband gives and the wife takes. 15. .Son: How much does it cost to get married, Dad? Father: I don't know son, I'm still paying for it. Son: Is it true? Dad, I heard that in ancient China, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries. Father: That happens everywhere, son, EVERYWHERE! 16. There was a man who said, "I never knew what happiness was until I got married.... and then it was too late!" 17. Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock. 18. They say that when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage it is self-defence. 19. When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a ten-year married man looks happy, we wonder why. There was this lover who said that he would go through hell for her. They got married, and now he is going through HELL.

To: Naggrachi who wrote (1385)	2/13/1999 10:21:00 PM
From: John Messbauer	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 2733

Q: Why is a man at his mental peak when having intercourse? A: Because he's plugged into a fucking know it all!!! ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- How do you punctuate this sentence: Fun- fun -fun -worry- worry- worry? Fun (period) Fun(period) Fun(no period) worry- worry- worry ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Why did GOD give woman one more brain cell than a Horse? So they won't shit in the road during a Parade!! ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Special things for my wife on Valentine's day! Simple things like: * Open the door for her when she puts all the laundry in the washing machine, * Plug and unplug the vacuum as she moves from room to room cleaning. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A little girl came running into the house crying and miserable from a small cut she just received. She asked her mom for a glass of cider. "Why do you want cider?" asked Mom. "To take the pain away," sobbed the little girl. Tired of all the tears, Mom poured her a glass. The little girl immediately put her hand into the drink. "It doesn't work!" she yelled. "What do you mean?" asked Mom. "Well," sniffed the little girl, "I overheard my sister say that whenever she gets a prick in her hand, she can't wait to get it in cider.

To: Naggrachi who wrote (1385)	2/14/1999 12:56:00 AM
From: treetopflier	Respond to of 2733

Dead Cats and Mailmen Little Lucy went out into the garden and saw her cat Tiddles lying on the ground with its eyes shut and its legs in the air. She fetched her Dad to look at Tiddles, and on seeing the cat he said, as gently as he could, "I'm afraid Tiddles is dead, Lucy". "So why are his legs sticking up in the air like that, Daddy?" asked Lucy as she fought back the tears. At a loss for something to say the father replied, "Tiddles' legs are pointing straight up in the air so that it will be easier for Jesus to float down from heaven above and grab a leg and lift Tiddles up to heaven". Little Lucy seemed to take her Tiddles death quite well. However, two days later when her father came home from work Lucy had tears in her eyes and said: "Mommy almost died this morning". Fearing something terrible had happened the father shook the girl and shouted, "How do you mean Lucy? Tell Daddy!" "Well", mumbled Lucy, "soon after you left for work this morning I saw mommy lying on the floor with her legs in the air and she was shouting, "Oh Jesus!!! I'm coming, I'm coming!!!" and if it hadn't been for the mailman holding her down she would definitely have gone, Daddy".