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Pastimes : Jokes -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Karin who wrote (1393)	2/14/1999 12:43:00 AM
From: treetopflier	Respond to of 2733

Hmmm... Ralph was driving home one evening and realized that it was his daughter's birthday and he hadn't bought her a present. He drove to the mall and ran to the toy store and he asked the store manager, "How much is that new Barbie in the window?" The Manager replied, "Which one? We have Barbie goes to the gym for $19.95, Barbie goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie goes shopping for $19.95, Barbie goes to the beach for $19.95, Barbie goes to the Nightclub for $19.95 and Divorced Barbie for $375.00." "Why is the Divorced Barbie $375.00 when all the others are $19.95?!?" Ralph asked surprised. The manager replied "Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's car, Ken's House, Ken's boat, and Ken's furniture."

To: Karin who wrote (1393)	2/14/1999 1:22:00 AM
From: treetopflier	Respond to of 2733

Careful, my dad's on the road again As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on 280. Please be careful!" Hell," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"

To: Karin who wrote (1393)	2/14/1999 1:27:00 AM
From: treetopflier	Respond to of 2733

Lawyers A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out, a truck passed too close and completely tore off the driver's door. The counselor immediately grabbed his cell phone, dialed 911. A policeman soon pulled up. Before the officer had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically. His Lexus, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter what the body shop did to it. When the lawyer finally wound down from his ranting and raving, the officer shook his head in disgust and disbelief. "I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are," he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else." "How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer. The cop replied, "Don't you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you." "My God!" screamed the lawyer. "Where's my Rolex?"

To: Karin who wrote (1393)	2/14/1999 1:29:00 AM
From: treetopflier	Respond to of 2733

The Bar A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?" She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!" Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table. After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations." To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean $200?"

To: Karin who wrote (1393)	2/14/1999 1:34:00 AM
From: treetopflier	Respond to of 2733

In Fairness to Blondes Why do brunettes like their dark hair color? It doesn't show the dirt. Who makes all the bras for brunettes? Fisher-Price. Why didn't Indians scalp brunettes? The hair from a buffalo's butt was more manageable. Why are most brunettes flat-chested? It makes it easier for them to read their T-shirts. Why are brunettes so proud of their hair? It matches their mustache. Why is the color brunette considered evil? When's the last time ya saw a blonde witch? How can you tell a brunette is lonely? Check her for a pulse. What is the most frustrated animal in the world? A brunette rabbit. What did the frustrated brunette say to her uninterested lover? "What part of 'yes' don't you understand?" Why did God create brunettes? So ugly men wouldn't feel left out. What do brunettes miss most about a great party? The invitation. Where do brunettes get the hair for a transplant? From their underarms. Why do brunettes have to pay an extra $2,000 for a breast job? Because the plastic surgeon has to start from scratch. How do you describe a brunette whose phone rings on Saturday night? Startled. What do you call a good-looking man with a brunette? A hostage. ...brutal...

To: Karin who wrote (1393)	2/14/1999 9:51:00 PM
From: Mad2	Respond to of 2733

Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the last instruction of the Mother Superior is that they must not get even a drop of paint on their habits After conferring about this for a while, the two nuns decide to lock the door of the room, strip off their habits, and paint in the nude. In the middle of the project, there comes a knock at the door. "Who is it?", calls one of the nuns. "Blind man," replies a voice from the other side of the door. The two nuns look at each other and shrug, and, deciding that no harm can come from letting a blind man into the room, they open the door. "Nice boobs," says the man, "where do you want these blinds?"