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Pastimes : Jokes -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Karin who wrote (1413)	2/14/1999 11:54:00 PM
From: Hart	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 2733

A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense: "My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb." "Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses." The defendant smiled. With his lawyer's assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.

To: Karin who wrote (1413)	2/21/1999 10:25:00 AM
From: John Messbauer	Respond to of 2733

Here's 2 that are not re-runs. Antonio came home from school one day and walked into the kitchen. His grandma asked him, "Antonio, what'd you learn in school today?" Antonio replied, "Well, we learned about penises, and vaginas, and sexual intercourse, and masturbation." Grandma hauled off and slapped Antonio, hard. He ran up to his room, crying. Antonio's mother walked in and cried, "Ma! Why did you go and hit Antonio!?" Grandma replied, "Well, I asked him what he learned in school today. He started talking about sex, and penises, and masturbation!" Antonio's mother said, "Ma! That's what they do learn. It's called sex education!" Well, Grandma felt so bad about hitting Antonio that she went upstairs to apologize. She opened his door and found him masturbating on his bed. She then said, "Antonio, when you're finished with your homework, come down and talk to me." ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A funeral service is being held in a Synagogue for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service the Pall Bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan. They open the casket to find that the woman is actually alive. She lives for ten more years and then she dies. A ceremony is again held at the same Synagogue and at the end of the service the Pall Bearers are again carrying out the casket. As they are walking the Husband cries out, "Watch out for the wall!"