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Pastimes : Jokes -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: treetopflier who wrote (1450)	2/17/1999 2:28:00 PM
From: P.S.N.	Respond to of 2733

Under "when the romance is gone" Your wife will only make love to you doggie style. You sit up and beg. She rolls over and plays dead. PSN

To: treetopflier who wrote (1450)	2/17/1999 2:31:00 PM
From: P.S.N.	Respond to of 2733

How do you know when it is REALLY cold? You know it's cold when the exhibitionists are describing themselves! PSN

To: treetopflier who wrote (1450)	2/17/1999 2:33:00 PM
From: P.S.N.	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 2733

What's the difference between Hemophilia, and Virginity? None, one prick and it's all over. PSN

To: treetopflier who wrote (1450)	2/17/1999 2:41:00 PM
From: P.S.N.	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 2733

College Entrance Exam. (Blonde Edition) * You must correctly answer three or more questions to qualify. Name: _____________________________ 1. What language is spoken in France? 2. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions OR Give the first name of Pierre Trudeau. 3. Would you ask William Shakespeare to ___ (a) build a bridge ___ (b) sail the ocean ___ (c) lead an army or ___ (d) WRITE A PLAY 4. What religion is the Pope? (check only one) ___ (a) Jewish ___ (b) Catholic ___ (c) Hindu ___ (d) Polish ___ (e) Agnostic 5. Metric conversion. How many feet is 0.0 meters? 6. What time is it when the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 5? 7. How many commandments was Moses given? (approximately) 8. What are people in America's far north called? ___ (a) Westerners ___ (b) Southerners ___ (c) Northerners 9. Spell: Bush, Carter, and Clinton Bush: ____________________________________________ Carter: __________________________________________ Clinton: __________________________________________ 10. Six kings of England have been called George, the last one being George the Sixth. Name the previous five: 11. Where does rain come from? ___ (a) Macy's ___ (b) a 7-11 ___ (c) Canada ___ (d) the sky 12. Can you explain Einstein's Theory of Relativity? ___ (a) yes ___ (b) no 13. What are coat hangers used for? 14. The Star Spangled Banner is the National Anthem for what country? 15. Explain Le Chatelier's Principle of Dynamic Equilibrium OR Spell your name in BLOCK LETTERS. 16. Where is the basement in a three story building located? 17. Which part of America produces the most oranges? ___ (a) New York ___ (b) Florida ___ (c) Canada ___ (d) Wisconsin 18. Advanced math. If you have three apples, how many apples do you have? 19. What does NBC (National Broadcasting Corp.) stand for? 20. The Corneal University tradition for efficiency began when (approximately)? ___ (a) BC ___ (b) AD PSN

To: treetopflier who wrote (1450)	2/17/1999 2:48:00 PM
From: P.S.N.	Respond to of 2733

A Tale Once upon a time, in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat, contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle. The frog hopped into the princess's lap and said: Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper, young prince that I am and then, my sweet, we can marry and setup housekeeping in yon castle with my mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children and forever feel grateful and happy doing so. That night, as the princess dined sumptuously on a repast of lightly sautee'd frog legs seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled to herself and thought: I don't f**kin' think so. PSN

To: treetopflier who wrote (1450)	2/17/1999 2:55:00 PM
From: P.S.N.	Respond to of 2733

Four men were bragging about how smart their dogs were. One was an engineer, the second man was an accountant, the third man was a chemist, the fourth was a government worker. To show off, the engineer called to his dog. "T-square, do your stuff." T-square trotted over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle. Everyone agreed that was pretty smart. But the accountant said his dog could do better. He called to his dog and said, "Spreadsheet, do your stuff." Spreadsheet went out into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies each. Everyone agreed that was good. But the chemist said his dog could do better. He called to his dog and said, "Measure, do your stuff." Measure got up, walked over to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop. Everyone agreed that was pretty impressive. Then the three men turned to the government worker and said, "What can your dog do?" The government worker called to his dog and said, "Coffee Break, do your stuff." Coffee Break jumped to his feet, ate the cookies, drank the milk, had a shit on the paper, sexually assaulted the other three dogs, claimed he injured his back while doing so, filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions, put in for workers compensation and went home for the rest of the day on sick leave. They all agreed, that was f**king brilliant. ----------------------- P.S.N. --------------------------------------