To: Ilaine who wrote (31235 ) 2/19/1999 3:51:00 PM From: nihil Respond to
Cobalt,
I know you understand that a cyberdude could be about the size of a nice Nokia telephone and be 100 times as smart, and easily concealed in or on the person and operate in secret while one attended a dull lecture or have little extensions that fastened painlessly and secretly to certain egregious nerve rich locations and you could dial yourself up and use a virgin phone to avoid STD and you could vary the volume according to your mood. You sit around in court and suddenly you'd see a bailiff or a juryman come to attention, leap some inches out of chair, and have a broad resigned smile spread across their face s and then slump -- reaching for a forbidden cigarette -- or actually pass out for a brief spell. Some judges would consider that criminal contempt of court, since it took place in the presence of the judge, but many judges would walk that funny high rumped walk that indicate a cyberdude in place and would be in no condition to complain.
I regret your experience with youthful sex at home was so unsatisfactory. Few people remember their introduction to sex as being idyllic. But I remembered mine as furtive and even dangerous. I also knew that I could not consult or assist in any of my sons activities.
A parent who assists in the seduction of his or someone else's child oversteps the limits of decency and worst of all removes the child's autonomy (not to mention exposing himself to criminal charges). Our house was arranged so that the children's rooms were directly accessible to the outside, and they were not required to check in or out. If one boy brought a friend to spend some hours or the night, it was understood that it was okay. One son kept a friend (a boy) in his room for several weeks -- a runaway from his home -- and he told his friend's parents that he was staying with us. There was, no doubt, frequent sleeping over by friends of either sex. But my sons had far more security and safety than most, and have sometimes remarked that what made us such good parents was our willingness to trust them to lead their lives after educating them about the problems of teenagers.
We had several huge teenage parties with a 100 or more kids, were raided by police, and no alcohol or drugs were found (those were our terms), and the only crimes committed were illegal searches by the police.
I'm very glad you're who you are and can enjoy contemplating sex with strangers, or even doing it. I think of all the wide world, the joy of loving someone physically is the greatest joy of all. I remember how limited my scope was when a kid, I'd rather not be with anyone than be with someone who was not a paragon of beauty. Perhaps one or two percent of all the girls I knew were good enough for me, and I was not in their one or two percent purview so I was left alone with my unachieved ideals. I think today of girls who would have loved to be with me (they didn't tell me until too late). Today all of these girls -- left alive -- are much alike, except some of the ones who I thought looked plain have a subtle beauty, and some of those I lusted for somewhat worn out seem not so great as once they were. As I grew older, I became much wiser and far more catholic in my taste for the feminine. I remember to this day when I realized I was in love with and loved sex with a woman over 40, and the same thing with a woman over 60. Today a woman of 50 is my dream of youthful beauty.
To young women of 18 or so, I am still attracted. From my work, I talk to them everyday. I have friends close to that age who once were my students, who drop around to talk and ask advice and get job recommendation. Some are quite beautiful. Some are very plain, or unduly fat. or have ruined faces. I like them all and treat them all alike as far as I can. Some want fatherly advice. A few come in my office, shut my door, and act like women on the make (without success). I think many women this age are very sophisticated. Most of them say they want sex with possible life-time mates -- not casual lovers -- many of them say they want an older, more established (not necessarily rich) man than the randy idiotic boys their age.
A man's job in this sexual milieu is circumscribed by his status.
If married, he must avoid loving those women who seek a mate. If unmarried and committed to that state, he should also avoid those women who seek a mate. If married he must satisfy his wife sexually and make no excess demands on her. Women have a simpler task. If she wants casual sex there are many, many men to satisfy her wants. If she seeks a life-long lover she must proceed more carefully and determine what the man is looking for before she lets herself fall in love.
Advice of one who gave all his heart and lost.
