HERE IS SOME JOKES EMAIL TO ME, I THINK SOME ARE OK.
<< > A blonde goes to a restaurant, buys a coffee and sits down to drinking
>> >it. She
>> >looks on the side of her cup and finds a peel off prize. She pull off
the
>> >tab
>> >and yells, "I WON! I WON! I Won a motor home; I WON a motor home!"
>> > The waitress runs over and says, "That's impossible. The biggest
>> >prize
>> >given away was a mini van!"
>> > The blonde replies, "No. I WON a motor home, I WON a motor home!"
>> > By this time the manager makes his way over to the table and says,
>> >"You
>> >couldn't possibly have won a motor homes because we didn't have that as
a
>> >prize!"
>> > Again the blonde says, "No, no mistake, I WON a motor home, I WON
a
>> >motor home!"
>> > The blonde hands the prize ticket to the manager and he reads,
>> > "WIN A BAGEL."
>>
>>-----------------------------------------------------------------------
>Who wears the pants?
>
>A young couple, just married, were in their honeymoon suite, on their
wedding
>night. As they undressed for bed, the husband who was a big burly man,
tosses
>his pants to his bride and says, "Here, put these on!"
>
>She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body. "I can't wear
>your pants!" she said.
>
>"That's right", said the husband, "And don't you forget it!". "I'm the one
>who wears the pants in this family!"
>
>With that she flipped him her panties and said, "Try these on".
>
>He tried them on and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecap.
He
>said, "Hell, I can't get into your panties!"
>
>She said, "That's right, and that's the way it's going to be until your
>attitude changes".
>
>------------------------------------------------
> >>1. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a
>> fire
>> >>in the craft it sank - proving once and for all that you can't have
>> your
>> >>kayak and heat it, too.
>> >>
>> >>2. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood
>> and
>> >>became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields
>> and
>> >>never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the
>> >>lesser of two weevils.
>> >>
>> >>3. A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He sidles
>> up
>> >>to the bar and announces "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
>> >>
>> >>4. This guy goes into a restaurant for a Christmas breakfast while in
>> >>his home town for the holidays. After looking over the menu he says,
>> >>"I'll just have the eggs Benedict." His order comes a while later and
>> >>it's served on a big, shiny hubcap. He asks the waiter, "What's with
>> the
>> >>hubcap?" The waiter sings, "Oh, there's no plate like chrome for the
>> >>hollandaise!"
>> >>
>> >>5. When she told me I was average, she was just being mean.
>> >>
>> >>6. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist's Novocain
>> >>during root canal work? He wanted to transcend dental medication.
>> >>
>> >>7. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing
>> >>in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about
>> >>an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to
>> disperse.
>> >>"But why?," they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I
>> can't
>> >>stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
>> >>
>> >>8. A doctor made it his regular habit to stop off at a bar for a
>> >>hazelnut daiquiri on his way home. The bartender knew of his habit,
>> and
>> >>would always have the drink waiting at precisely 5:03 p.m. One
>> >>afternoon, as the end of the work day approached, the bartender was
>> >>dismayed to find that he was out of hazelnut extract. Thinking
>> >>quickly,he threw together a daiquiri made with hickory nuts and set it
>> >>on the bar. The doctor came in at his regular time, took one sip of
>> the
>> >>drink and exclaimed, "This isn't a hazelnut daiquiri!" "No, I'm
>> sorry,"
>> >> replied the bartender, "it's a hickory daiquiri, Doc."
>> >>
>> >>9. A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something
>> to
>> >>eat. He came across two men. One was sitting under a tree reading a
>> >>book; the other was typing away on his typewriter. The lion quickly
>> >>pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him. Even the king of
>> >>the jungle knows that readers digest, and writers cramp.
>> >>
>> >>10. There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent
>> in
>> >>ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would
>> win.
>> >> Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
>> >>
>> >>11. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them
>> goes
>> >>to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family
>> in
>> >>Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of
>> >>himself to his mom. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband
>> >>that she wishes she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds,
>> >>"But they are twins - if you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."
>----------------------------------------------------------
>Subject: Texas Valentine
>>
>> >>
>> >Big Bubba's Ode to His Valentine
>> >
>> >Collards is green,
>> >my dog's name is Blue
>> >and I'm so lucky
>> >to have a sweet thang like you.
>> >
>> >Yore hair is like cornsilk
>> >a-flapping in the breeze.
>> >Softer than Blue's
>> >without all them fleas.
>> >
>> >You move like the bass,
>> >which excite me in May.
>> >You ain't got no scales
>> >but I luv you anyway.
>> >
>> >Yo're as satisfy'n as okry
>> >jist a-fry'n in the pan.
>> >Yo're as fragrant as "snuff"
>> >right out of the can.
>> >
>> >You have most'a yore teeth,
>> >for which I am proud;
>> >I hold my head high
>> >when we're in a crowd.
>> >
>> >On special occasions,
>> >when you shave under yore arms,
>> >well, I'm in hawg's heaven,
>> >and awed by yore charms.
>> >
>> >Still them fellers at work,
>> >they all want to know,
>> >what I did to deserve
>> >such a purdy, young doe.
>> >
>> >Like a good roll of duct tape
>> >yo're there fer yore man,
>> >to patch up life's troubles
>> >and fix what you can.
>> >
>> >Yo're as strong as a four-wheeler
>> >racin' through the mud,
>> >yet fragile as that sanger
>> >named Naomi Judd.
>> >
>> >Yo're as cute as a junebug
>> >a-buzzin' overhead.
>> >You ain't mean like them far ants
>> >I found in my bed.
>> >
>> >Cut from the best cloth
>> >like a plaid flannel shirt,
>> >you spark up my life
>> >more n'a fresh load of dirt .
>> >
>> >When you hold me real tight
>> >like a padded gunrack,
>> >my life is complete;
>> >Ain't nuttin' I lack.
>> >
>> >Yore complexion, it's perfection,
>> >like the best vinyl sidin'.
>> >despite all the years,
>> >yore age, it keeps hidin'.
>> >
>> >And when you get old
>> >like a '57 Chevy,
>> >won't put you on blocks
>> >and let grass grow up heavy.
>> >
>> >Me 'n' you's like a Moon Pie
>> >with a RC cold drank,
>> >we go together
>> >like a skunk goes with stank.
>> >
>> >Some men, they buy chocolate
>> >for Valentine's Day;
>> >They git it at Wal-Mart,
>> >it's romantic that way.
>> >
>> >Some men git roses
>> >on that special day
>> >from the cooler at Kroger.
>> >"That's impressive," I say.
>> >
>> >Some men buy fine diamonds
>> >from a flea market booth.
>> >"Diamonds are forever,"
>> >they explain, suave and couth.
>> >
>> >But for this man, honey,
>> >these won't do.
>> >Cause yor'e too special,
>> >you sweet thang you.
>> >
>> >I got you a gift,
>> >without taste nor odor,
>> >more useful than diamonds . . .
>> >IT'S A NEW TROLL'N MOTOR!!
>
>>
PSN |
