Sexual Jokes
A Review of the Top 9 Sexual Jokes on the "Net" this year according to a
poll recently taken by someone with obviously too much time on his/her
hands)
Number nine
A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he
turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside
him
and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both quite
startled.
The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your
breast, I know you'll forgive me." She replies, "if your penis is as hard
as your elbow, I'm in room 1221."
Number eight
A young man walks up and sits down at the bar. "What can I get you?" the
bartender inquires. "I want 6 shots of Jagermeister, "responded the young
man.
"6 shots! Are you celebrating something?"
"Yeah, my first blowjob."
"Well, in that case, let me give you a 7th on the house."
"No offence, sir. But if 6 shots won't get rid of the taste, Nothing will."
Number seven
A businessman boards a flight and is lucky enough to be seated next to a
gorgeous woman. They exchange brief hellos and he notices she is reading a
manual about sexual statistics. He asks her about it and she replies,
"This
is a very interesting book about sexual statistics. It identifies that
American Indians have the longest average penis and Polish men have the
biggest average diameter. By the way, my name is Jill. What's yours?" He
coolly replies, "Tonto Kawalski, nice to meet you."
Number six
One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife
on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. The wife turns over and says:
"I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want
to
stay fresh." The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to sleep. A few
minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. This time he
whispers in her ear: "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"
Number five
Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number
of
years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a
terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle
slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk
about
it, but Bill indicated that he would be too embarrassed. He vowed to
overcome the compulsion on his own. One day a few weeks later, Bill came
home ashen. His wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong.
"What's wrong, Bill?" she asked. "Do you remember that I told you how I
had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?" "Oh,
Bill,
you didn't." "Yes, I did."
"My God, Bill, what happened?" "I got fired." "No, Bill. I mean, what
happened with the pickle slicer?" "Oh...she got fired too."
Number four
A man was visiting his wife in hospital where she has been in a coma for
several years. On this visit, he decides to rub her left breast instead of
just talking to her. On doing this, she lets out a sigh. The man runs out
and tells the doctor, who says this is a good sign and suggests he should
try rubbing her right breast to see if there is any reaction. The man
goes in and rubs her right breast and this brings a moan from her The Dr.
suggests the man should go in and try oral sex, saying he will wait
outside as it is a personal act and he doesn't want the man to be
embarrassed.
The man goes in then comes out about five minutes later, white as a sheet
and tells the doctor his wife is dead. The doctor asks what happened, to
which the man replies: "She choked."
Number three
A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He puts the
alligator up on the bar. He turns to the astonished patrons. "I'll make
you a deal. I will open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals
inside.
Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute. He will then open his
mouth and I will remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this
spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink." The crowd murmured their
approval. The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his
privates in the alligator's open mouth. The gator closed his mouth as the
crowd gasped. After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and rapped the
alligator hard on the top of its head. The gator opened his mouth and the
man removed his genitals unscathed as promised. The crowd cheered and the
first of his free drinks was delivered. The man stood up again and made
another offer. "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try". A
hush
fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar.
A woman timidly spoke up. "I'll try, but you have to promise not to hit
me on the head with the beer bottle".
Number two
A small guy goes into an elevator, when he gets in he notices a huge dude
standing next to him. The big dude looks down upon the small guy and says:
"7 foot tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch dick, 3 pound left ball, 3 pound right
ball, Turner Brown" The small white guy faints! The big dude picks up the
small guy, brings him to, slapping his face and shaking him, and asks the
small guy. "What's wrong?" The small white guy says, "Excuse me but what
did you say?" The big dude looks down and says "7 foot tall, 350 pounds,
20
inch dick, 3 pound left ball, 3 pound right ball, my name is Turner Brown."
The small guy says, "Thank god, I thought you said 'Turn around.'"
Number one
A couple had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the
breakfast table one morning when the old gentleman said to his wife, "Just
think, honey, we've been married for 50 years." "Yeah," she replied, "Just
think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table
together."
"I know," the old man said, "We were probably sitting here naked as
jaybirds
fifty years ago." "Well," Granny snickered, "What do you say...should we
get
naked?" Where upon the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.
"You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied, "My nipples
are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago." "I wouldn't be
surprised," replied Gramps. "One's in your coffee and the other is in
your oatmeal!
PSN
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