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Pastimes : Jokes -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: treetopflier who wrote (1499)	2/19/1999 11:10:00 AM
From: P.S.N.	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 2733

What a tangled web we weave... For the second time in a row, I was forced to impose on the woman with whom I carpooled to our children's soccer practices. I phoned and explained that my husband had the car again, so I wouldn't be able to take my turn. A few minutes before she was due to pick up my son, my husband showed up. Since it was too late for me to call and say I could drive after all, I asked my husband to hide the car in the garage and to stay inside. I also explained to my son that he shouldn't mention anything about his father's whereabouts. Unfortunately, my husband forgot and was in front of our house chatting with a friend when my carpool partner arrived. When my son returned from practice, I asked him if she had noticed. "Yes," he replied, "she asked me which of the two men in front of the house was my father. But don't worry. I told her I didn't know." PSN

To: treetopflier who wrote (1499)	2/19/1999 11:15:00 AM
From: P.S.N.	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 2733

A true test of your Southern-ness. This test really can't be cheated on, either you know it or you don't. One Yankee in my office only mustered 4 points, whereas the natives typically get around 20+. 1) How many Vienna Sausages are in a can? 2) What was the number and color of Richard Petty's cars? 3) Bill Dance is good at what? 4) What university does Bill Dance root for? 5) Where did Herschel Walker play football (college) ? 6) After boiling peanuts for an hour you have what? 7) In cubic inches, how big is the smallest 1966 GM small-block V8? 8) A Cajun is likely to speak what furrin language? 9) What is a chigger? 10) What is scrapple? 11) Where is "The Redneck Riviera?" 12) What's that fuzzy stuff hanging off the oak tree? 13) What follows logically? Johnson, Mercury, _____?_______. 14) What's the common name for a bowfin? 15) If you mated a heifer and a steer, what would you get? 16) Who sang "Your Cheatin' Heart?" 17) What are grits made out of? 18) Who was nicknamed "The Bear"? 19) Why is the Blue Ridge blue? 20) What did The Baldwin Sisters make? 21) Who was Andy Taylor's love interest? 22) What are the call letters for the radio station that carries "The Grand Ol' Opry"? 23) Where would you find Vidalia County? 24) What sport requires 3 legs and a rope? 25) What instrument did Bill Monroe play (typically) ? 26) How many strings on a banjo? 27) When you argue with a fool, what is he doing? 28) What is a scuppernong? 29) Do you want the goats to get into the kudzu? 30) Why do you want to eat "high on the hog?" 31) What color is your John Deere? 32) What do you call the offspring of a mule? 33) What do you harvest when you plant"shade"? 3 points per correct answer. You get 1 point to start. Answers below, don't peek!! 1) 7 2) 43, red and blue 3) Fishin' 4) University of Tennessee 5) University of Georgia 6) Hard peanuts 7) 283 8) French 9) A redbug (small parasite) 10) A sausage-like loaf made out of pig parts 11) Panama City, FL 12) Spanish moss 13) Evinrude 14) Mudfish 15) Nothing. A steer has been castrated. 16) Hank Williams 17) Corn 18) Paul Bryant 19) Because of pollen 20) "The Recipe" 21) Helen 22) WSM 23) Georgia 24) Calf roping 25) Mandolin 26) 5 27) The same thing 28) A wild grape 29) Yes 30) Because that's where the better cuts of meat are. Rich folks live high on the hog. 31) Green 32) Another trick animal-husbandry question. Mules are generally sterile. 33) Tobacco PSN

To: treetopflier who wrote (1499)	2/19/1999 11:47:00 AM
From: Mad2	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 2733

PENIS STUDY In 1993, the American Government funded a study to see why the head of A man's penis was larger than the shaft. After one year and $180,000.00, they concluded that the reason the head was larger than the shaft was to give the man more pleasure during sex. After the US published the study, France decided to do their own study. After $250,000.00, and 3 years of research, they concluded that the Reason was to give the woman more pleasure during sex. Poland, unsatisfied with these findings, conducted their own study. After 2 weeks and a cost of around $75.46, they concluded that it was to keep A man's hand from flying off and hitting him in the forehead.

To: treetopflier who wrote (1499)	2/23/1999 1:52:00 PM
From: P.S.N.	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 2733

op ten things that sound dirty in golf but aren't: 10. Nuts...my shaft is bent 9. After 18 holes I can barely walk 8. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker 7. Look at the size of his putter 6. Keep your head down and spread your legs a bit more 5. Mind if I join your threesome? 4. Stand with your back turned and drop it 3. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip 2. Nice stroke, but your follow through has a lot to be desired And the number 1 thing that sounds dirty in golf but isn't: 1. Hold up...I need to wash my balls first Top Ten Things That Sound Dirty In Law But Aren't: 10. Have you looked through her briefs? 9. He is one hard judge. 8. Counselor, let's do it in chambers. 7. Her attorney withdrew at the last minute. 6. Is it a penal offense? 5. Better leave the handcuffs on. 4. For $200 an hour, she better be good. 3. Can you get him to drop his suit? 2. The judge gave her the stiffest one he could. And the number 1 thing that sounds dirty in law but isn't: 1. Think you can get me off? PSN