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To: EddieMacG who wrote (1520)2/21/1999 10:19:00 AM
From: Barney  Respond to of 2733
 
> Subject: MCDONNELL DOUGLAS WARRANTY CARD
>
> The following was a page put on the McDonnell Douglas Internet home
> page by a worker with a sense of humor. The company took exception
> to it, however...
>
> AIRCRAFT-SPACE SYSTEMS-MISSILES
> Important! Important! Please fill out and mail this card within 10
> days of purchase.
>
> Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. In
> order to protect your new investment, please take a few moments to
> fill out the warranty registration card below. Answering the survey
> questions is not required, but the information will help us to
> develop new products that best meet your needs and desires.
>
> 1. _Mr. _Mrs. _Ms. _Miss _Lt. _Gen. _Comrade _Classified
> _Other
>
> First Name
>
> Initial
>
> Last Name
>
> Password
>
> Code Name
>
> Latitude Longitude Altitude
>
> 2. Which model aircraft did you purchase?
>
> _F-14 Tomcat _F-15 Eagle _F-16 Falcon _F-117A Stealth _Classified
>
> 3. Date of purchase: Month: Day: Year:
>
> 4. Serial Number:
>
> 5. Please check where this product was purchased:
>
> _Received as gift/aid package
>
> _Catalog showroom
>
> _Sleazy arms broker
>
> _Mail order
>
> _Discount store
>
> _Government surplus
>
> _Classified
>
> 6. Please check how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas
> product you have just purchased:
>
> _Heard loud noise, looked up
>
> _Store display
>
> _Espionage
>
> _Recommended by friend/relative/ally
>
> _Political lobbying by manufacturer
>
> _Was attacked by one
>
> 7. Please check the three (3) factors that most influenced your
> decision to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product:
>
> _Style/appearance
>
> _Kickback/bribe
>
> _Recommended by salesperson
>
> _Speed/maneuverability
>
> _Comfort/convenience
>
> _McDonnell Douglas reputation
>
> _Advanced Weapons Systems
>
> _Price/value
>
> _Backroom politics
>
> _Negative experience opposing one in combat
>
> 8. Please check the location(s) where this product will be used:
>
> _North America
>
> _Central/South America
>
> _Aircraft carrier
>
> _Europe
>
> _Middle East
>
> _Africa
>
> _Asia/Far East
>
> _Misc. Third World countries
>
> _Classified
>
> 9. Please check the products that you currently own or intend to
> purchase in the near future:
>
> Product Own Intend to purchase
>
> Color TV
>
> VCR
>
> ICBM
>
> Killer Satellite
>
> CD Player
>
> Air-to-Air Missiles
>
> Space Shuttle
>
> Home Computer
>
> Nuclear Weapon
>
> 10. How would you describe yourself or your organization? Check all
> that apply:
>
> _Communist/Socialist
>
> _Terrorist
>
> _Crazed
>
> _Neutral
>
> _Democratic
>
> _Dictatorship
>
> _Corrupt
>
> _Primitive/Tribal
>
> 11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?
>
> _Cash
>
> _Suitcases of cocaine
>
> _Oil revenues
>
> _Deficit spending
>
> _Personal check
>
> _Credit card
>
> _Ransom money
>
> _Traveler's check
>
> 12. Occupation You Your Spouse
>
> Homemaker
>
> Sales/marketing
>
> Revolutionary
>
> Clerical
>
> Mercenary
>
> Tyrant
>
> Middle management
>
> Eccentric billionaire
>
> Defense Minister/general
>
> Retired
>
> Student
>
> 13. To help us understand our customers' lifestyles, please
> indicate the interests and activities in which you and your spouse
> enjoy participating on a regular basis:
>
> Activity/Interest You Your Spouse
>
> Golf
>
> Boating/sailing
>
> Sabotage
>
> Running/jogging
>
> Propaganda/disinformation
>
> Destabilization/overthrow
>
> Default on loans
>
> Gardening
>
> Crafts
>
> Black market/smuggling
>
> Collectibles/collections
>
> Watching sports on TV
>
> Wines
>
> Interrogation/torture
>
> Household pets
>
> Crushing rebellions
>
> Espionage/reconnaissance
>
> Fashion clothing
>
> Border disputes
>
> Mutually Assured Destruction
>
> Thanks for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your
> answers will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell
> Douglas serve you better in the future--as well as allowing you to
> receive mailings and special offers from other companies,
> governments, extremist groups, and mysterious consortia.
>
> Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes? Please write to:
>
> McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION
> Marketing Department
> Military Aerospace Division
> P.O. Box 800
> St. Louis



To: EddieMacG who wrote (1520)2/22/1999 1:28:00 PM
From: P.S.N.  Respond to of 2733
 
A Californian, a Texan and a Montanan, attending a convention in a
little town just outside Las Vegas, were standing in a seedy bar
enjoying a few drinks.

The Californian grabbed his wine spritzer and knocked it back in one gulp. He then threw the glass against the back wall smashing it to
pieces. He told the other startled drinkers that the standard of
living
was so high in California that they never drank out of the same glass twice.
The Texan finished his margarita and threw his glass against the back wall. He loudly proclaimed that in Texas not only were they
all
rich from oil but they had so much sand that glass was cheap and
he too never drank out of the same glass twice.

The Montanan drank his beer, drew his revolver and shot the Californian and the Texan. As he was returning the gun to his
holster he told
the wide-eyed bartender that in Montana they had so many
Californians and Texans they never had to drink with the same ones twice.

PSN


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