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Pastimes : Another Good Reason Not To Be Married -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Edwarda who wrote (4622)	2/25/1999 4:38:00 PM
From: Elmer Flugum	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 6545

WHAT MEN REALLY MEAN "I'm going fishing." Really means..."I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety." "It's a guy thing." Really means...."There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical." "Can I help with dinner?" Really means...."Why isn't it already on the table?" "Uh huh," "Sure, honey," or "Yes, dear." Really means....Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response. "It would take too long to explain." Really means..."I have no idea how it works. "We're going to be late." Really means...."Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac." "I was listening to you. It's just that I have things on my mind." Really means...."I was wondering if that red-head over there is wearing a bra." "Take a break, honey, you're working too hard." Really means...."I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner." "That's interesting, dear." Really means...."Are you still talking?" It's a really good movie." Really means...."It's got guns, knives, fast cars, and beautiful women." "That's women's work." Really means...."It's difficult, dirty, and thankless." "You know how bad my memory is." Really means.... "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the Vehicle Identification Numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday." "I was just thinking about you, and got you these roses." Really means.... "The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe." "Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself, it's no big deal." Really means.... "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt." "Hey, I've got my reasons for what I'm doing." Really means.... "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon." "I can't find it." Really means.... "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless." "What did I do this time?" Really means.... "What did you catch me at?" "I heard you." Really means.... "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me." "You know I could never love anyone else." Really means.... "I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse." "You look terrific." Really means.... "Oh, God, please don't try on one more outfit. I'm starving." "I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are." Really means.... "No one will ever see us alive again." "We share the housework." Really means.... "I make the messes, she cleans them up."

To: Edwarda who wrote (4622)	2/26/1999 8:10:00 PM
From: knight	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 6545

Stolen from another thread: FW: Rules that men wished women knew... 1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. 2. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up put it down. 3. Don't cut your hair. Ever. 4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present once again. 5. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear. 6. Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it. 7. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, and carburetors. 8. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be. 9. Shopping is not sport. 10. Anything you wear is fine. Really. 11. You have enough clothes. 12. You have too many shoes. 13. Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don't expect us to like it. 14. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work. 15. No, we don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar. 16. Yes, peeing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes. 17. Most guys own two to three pairs of shoes-what makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress? 18. "Yes" and "No" are perfectly acceptable answers. 19. A headache that lasts for 17 days is a problem. See a doctor. 20. Your Mom doesn't have to be our best friend. 21. Films starring Barbara Streisand are for Girls Night Out. 22. Check your oil. 23. Don't give us rules. 24. Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived. 25. It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take a quiz together. 26. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. 27. All comments become null and void after 7 days. 28. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one. 29. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done - not both. 30. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials. 31. Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we. 32. Consider Golf a mini-vacation from you. We need it, just like you do.