- Acura Integra - I have always wanted to own the Buick of sports cars.
- Acura Legend - I'm too bland for German cars.- Acura NSX - I am 
impotent.
- Audi 90 - I enjoy putting out engine fires.
- Buick Park Avenue - I am older than 34 of the 50 states.
- Cadillac Eldorado - I am a very good Mary Kay salesman.
- Cadillac Seville - I am a pimp.- Chevrolet Camaro - I enjoy beating up 
people.
- Chevrolet Chevette - I like seeing people's reactions when I tell
  them I have a 'Vette.- Chevrolet Corvette - I'm in a mid-life crisis.
- Chevrolet El Camino - I am leading a militia to overthrow the  
government.
- Chrysler Cordoba - I dig the rich Corinthian leather.
- Datsun 280Z - I have a kilo of cocaine in my wheel well.
- Dodge Dart - I teach third grade special education and I voted for
  Eisenhower.- Dodge Daytona - I delivered pizza for four years to get 
this car.
- Ford Escort - I'm a red-headed nanny.- Ford Fairmont - (See Dodge 
Dart)
- Ford Mustang - I slow down to 85 in school zones.
- Ford Thunderbird - I am damn good in bed and I'm smarter than you too
- Ford Crown Victoria - I enjoy having people slow to 55mph & change
  lanes when I pull up behind them.
- Geo Storm - I will start the 11th grade in the Fall.
- Geo Tracker - I will start the 12th grade in the Fall.
- Honda del Sol - I have always said, half a convertible is better than
  no convertible at all.
- Honda Civic - I have just graduated and have no credit.
- Honda Accord - I lack any originality and am basically a lemming.
- Infiniti Q45 - I am a physician with 17 malpractice suits pending.
- Isuzu Impulse - I do not give a rip about J.D. Power or his reports.
- Jaguar XJ6 - I am so rich I will pay 60K for a car that is in the
  shop 280 days per year.
- Kia Sephia - I learned nothing from the failure of Diahatsu Corp.
- Lincoln Town Car - I live for bingo and covered dish suppers.
- Mercury Grand Marquis - (See above)
- Mercedes 500SL - I will beat you up if you ask me for an autograph.
- Mercedes 560SEL - I have a daughter named Bitsy and a son named Cole.
- Mazda Miata - I do not fear being decapitated by an 18-wheeler
- MGB - I am dating a mechanic.
- Mitsubishi Diamante - I don't know what it means either.
- Nissan 300ZX - I have yet to complete my divorce proceedings.
- Peugeot 505 Diesel - I am on the EPA's Ten Most Wanted List.
- Plymouth Neon - I sincerely enjoy doing the Macarena.
- Pontiac Trans AM - I have a switchblade in my sock.
- Porsche 944 - I am dating big haired women that otherwise would be
  inaccessible to me.
- Rolls Royce Silver Shadow - I think Pat Buchannon is a tad bit too  
liberal
- Saturn SC2 - (See Honda Civic)
- Subaru Legacy - I have always wanted a Japanese car.
- Toyota Camry - I am still in the closet
- Volkswagon Beetle - I still watch Partridge Family
- Volkswagon Cabriolet - I am out of the closet
- Volkswagon Microbus - I am tripping right now