GREATER LOS ANGELES AREA DRIVER'S LICENSE APPLICATION:

Name: ____________________

Stage name: __________________________

Agent's Name:  __________________________

Attorney's Name:  _______________________

Actual Age: _____ Admitted Age: _____

Sex:  [ ]  male         [ ] female
      [ ] formerly male [ ] formerly female
      [ ] both          [ ] neither

Occupation:
    [ ]  Lawyer
    [ ]  Actor/Waiter              
    [ ]  Film-maker/Self-employed
    [ ]  Writer
    [ ]  Car Dealer
    [ ]  Pan-handler
    [ ]  Agent
    [ ]  Hooker/Transvestite
    [ ]  Other; please explain: ___________________________

Please list brand of cell phone:  ________________________
(If you don't own a cell phone,  please explain.)

Please check hair color:
    Females:     [  ] Blonde    [  ]   Platinum  Blonde
    Teenagers:   [  ] Purple    [  ]   Blue      [  ] Skin-head
    Men: Please list shade of hair plugs ________________

Please indicate if you have Automobile Insurance:
    [ ] Yes [ ] No

If Yes, please explain:

Please check activities you perform while driving (Check all that apply):
   [ ] Eating a wrap
   [ ] Applying make-up
   [ ] Talking on the phone
   [ ] Slapping kids in the back seat
   [ ] Applying cellulite treatment to thighs
   [ ] Tanning
   [X] Snorting cocaine (already checked for ease of application)
   [ ] Watching TV
   [ ] Reading Variety
   [ ] Surfing the net via laptop
   [ ] Reading a book or other Newspaper

Please indicate how many times:
    a) you expect to shoot at other drivers, _____
    b) and how many times you expect to be shot at while driving ____.

If you are the victim of a car-jacking, you should immediately:  
    a) [ ] Call the police to report the crime;
    b) [ ] Call Channel 4 News to report the crime, then watch your
           TV;
    c) [ ] Call your attorney and discuss lawsuit against cellular
           phone company for 911 call not going through;
    d) [ ] Call your therapist;
    e) [ ] None of the above (South Central residents only).

Please indicate if you drive:
    a) [ ] a BMW,
    b) [ ] a Lexus,
    c) [ ] a Mercedes,
    d) [ ] a Cabriolet.

If your answer is d, please add 6 to 8 weeks to normal delivery
time for your driver's license.

In the event of an earthquake, should you:
    a) [ ] stop your car
    b) [ ] keep driving and hope for the best,
    c) [ ] immediately use your cell phone to call all loved ones, or
    d) [ ] pull out your video camera and obtain footage for Channel 4?

In the instance of rain, you should:
    a) [ ] never drive over 5 MPH,
    b) [ ] drive twice as fast as usual, or
    c) [ ] you're not sure what "rain" is.

Please indicate number of therapy sessions per week:  ____.

Are you presently taking any of the following medications?
(Check all that apply.)
    a) [ ] Prozac;
    b) [ ] Zovirax;
    c) [ ] Lithium;
    d) [ ] Zanax.
If none, please explain:  __________________.

Length of daily commute:
    a) [ ] 1 hour;
    b) [ ] 2 hours;
    c) [ ] 3 hours;
    d) [ ] 4 hours or more.
If under 1 hour, please explain:

When stopped by police, should you
    a) [ ] pull over and have your driver's license and insurance
           form ready,
    b) [ ] try to outrun them by driving the wrong way on the 405,
    c) [ ] have video camera ready and provoke them to attack, thus
           ensuring yourself of a hefty lawsuit?