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Pastimes : Jokes -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: John Messbauer who wrote (1748)	3/16/1999 9:27:00 AM
From: Peter S. Maroulis	Respond to of 2733

The only cow in a small town in Poland stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found that they could buy a cow from Moscow for 2,000 rubles, or one from Minsk for 1,000 rubles. Being frugal, they bought the cow from Minsk. The cow was wonderful. It produced lots of milk all the time, and the people were amazed and very happy. They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow and produce more cows like it. Then they would never have to worry about the milk supply again. They bought a bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow. However, whenever the bull came close to the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he could not succeed in his quest. The people were very upset and decided to ask the rabbi, who was very wise, what to do. They told the rabbi what was happening; "Whenever the bull approaches our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. An approach from the side and she just walks away to the other side. The rabbi thought about this for a minute and asked, "Did you buy this cow from Minsk?" The people were dumbfounded. They had never mentioned where they had gotten the cow. "You are truly a wise rabbi. How did you know we got the cow from Minsk?" The rabbi answered sadly, "My wife is from Minsk."

To: John Messbauer who wrote (1748)	3/16/1999 9:32:00 AM
From: Peter S. Maroulis	Respond to of 2733

A man complained to his friends "My elbow really hurts. I guess I should go to a doctor." His buddy offered, "don't do that! There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything, quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Simply put a sample of urine in the machine and computer will diagnose your problem and let you know what can be done about it. It costs only ten bucks. The man figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in his sample and deposited 10 bucks. The computer made some noises and many lights started to flash. After a moment, out came a piece of paper in which was printed: "You have tennis elbow - Soak your arm in warm water, avoid heavy labor - it will be better in 2 weeks. The man was amazed! Later that evening while thinking about how incredible the machine was, he started to get skeptical. He began to wonder if the machine could be fooled. He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to that machine, poured the sample and deposited his ten bucks. The machine made the usual sounds and the lights flashed, and out came the following analysis: Your tap water is too hard - Get a water softener. Your dog has worms - give him vitamins. Your daughter's on drugs - Put her in rehab. Your wife is pregnant - It isn't yours - get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better.

To: John Messbauer who wrote (1748)	3/16/1999 9:34:00 AM
From: Peter S. Maroulis	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 2733

As the sun rose over Parris Island, the senior drill instructor realized that one of his recruits had gone AWOL. A search party was dispatched immediately. After a few hours the recruit was discovered hiding in some bushes. He was sent back to the base and promptly escorted to the drill instructor's office. The instructor asked the young recruit, "Why did you go AWOL?" The recruit replied, "My first day here you issued me a comb, and then proceeded to cut my hair off. The second day you issued me a toothbrush, and sent me to the dentist, who proceeded to pull all my teeth. The third day you issued me a jock strap, and I wasn't about to stick around and find out what would follow that SIR."