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Pastimes : Jokes -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Stephanie M who wrote (1756)	3/17/1999 9:23:00 AM
From: Barney	Respond to of 2733

A woman recently lost her husband. She had him cremated and brought his ashes home. Picking up the urn that he was in, she poured him out on the counter. She started talking to him, and tracing her fingers in the ashes, she said, "You know that fur coat you promised me Irving?" She answered by saying, "I bought it with the insurance money!" She then said, "Irving, remember that new car you promised me?" She answered again saying, "Well, I bought it with the insurance money!" Still tracing her finger in the ashes, she said, "Irving remember that blow job I promised you? Here it comes..."

To: Stephanie M who wrote (1756)	3/17/1999 10:23:00 AM
From: P.S.N.	Respond to of 2733

Why does the female black widow kill the male after mating? To stop the snoring before it starts! PSN

To: Stephanie M who wrote (1756)	3/20/1999 9:37:00 PM
From: John Messbauer	Respond to of 2733

"Father, I called a man a son-of-a-bitch yesterday." "Why did you call him a son-of-a-bitch??" the priest asked. "Because, father, he touched me on my arm without permission" "Do you mean like this??" He touches her arm. "Yes father." "That's no reason for calling him a son-of-a-bitch." "But father he also touched my breasts." "You mean like this??" He touches her breasts. "Yes father." "That's no reason to call him a son-of-a-bitch." "But father, he took off my clothes." "Like this??" He takes off her clothes. "Yes father." "That's no reason to call him a son-of-a-bitch." "But father he then put his you-know-what in my you-know-where." "Like this??" He put his you-know-what in her you-know-where. "Yes father," she says sometime later, after catching her breath. "But that's no reason to call him a son-of-a-bitch." "But father, he has herpies." "THAT SON-OF-A-BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Did you hear about the gay guy that put a nicorette patch on the tip of his penis??? Yeah, he's down to two butts a day!!!!!