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Pastimes : Jokes -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Don Green who wrote (1778)	3/20/1999 9:41:00 PM
From: John Messbauer	Respond to of 2733

Judi (a blond) left her car out in a hail storm. When the storm was over she checked the car and found out it was covered with small dents. She went to the local garage and inquired how to fix the problem. The mechanic told her to blow on the tailpipe and the dents would be removed. She took the car home parked it and proceeded to blow on the pipe. Gayle (another blonde) came by and inquired what she was doing. Judi said, "I'm blowing on the tailpipe to get the dents out of the sides." Gayle replied, "Oh. Look. To make the work, you have to have the windows rolled up."

To: Don Green who wrote (1778)	3/21/1999 9:16:00 PM
From: P.S.N.	Respond to of 2733

One Christmas Eve, a frenzied young man ran into a pet shop looking for an unusual Christmas gift for his wife. The shop-owner suggested a parrot, named Chet, which could sing famous Christmas carols. This seemed like the perfect gift. "How do I get him to sing?" the young man asked, excitedly. "Simply hold a lighted match directly under his feet," was the shop-owner's reply. The shop-owner then held a match under the parrot's left foot. Almost immediately, Chet beganto sing:" Jingle Bells! Jingle Bells! ......." The shop-owner then held another match under the parrot's right foot. Then Chet's tune changed, and the air was filled with: " Silent Night. Holy Night....... The young man was so impressed that he paid the shopkeeper and ran home as quickly as he could with Chet under his arm................... When the wife saw her gift she was overwhelmed. "How beautiful!" she> exclaimed "Can he talk?" "No" the young man replied "but he can sing.Let me show you." So the young man whipped out his lighter and placed it under Chet's left foot, as the shopkeeper had shown him,and Chet crooned: " Jingle Bells! Jingle Bells!......." The man then moved the lighter to Chet's right foot, and out came: " Silent Night. Holy Night........" . The wife, her face filled with curiosity, then asked, "What if we hold the lighter between his legs?" The man did not know. "Let's try it," he answered, eager to please his wife. They held the lighter between Chet's legs. Chet twisted his face, cleared his throat, the little parrot sang out loudly (like it was the performance of his life) : " Chet's nuts roasting on an open fire" PSN